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Duke Magazine

Written by Raj Richardson on February 23, 2009

Who are DUKE?
DUKE is Raquel Welch, a snooty brat from an old money family and Emily Hunt, former child star and veteran of the stage. We’d been pen pals since childhood and finally met during a short stint at Art school in 2000.

How did you guys become DUKEs? And being one do you look down on all those who look-up to you?
In 2001, Emily concocted a hair brained scheme to buy a badge machine and make pins to sell at the markets. We were always trying out new get-rich-quick schemes. We sold our wares at the markets for a few years, which led to us becoming bitter, cynical hags with terrific senses of humour and fabulous taste. DUKE was born.

We actually don’t look down on EVERYONE. Only those who deserve it – like people who think they’re funny and aren’t. Or people who misguidedly pitch us ridiculous stories and expect us to be interested in their amateur scribblings. It’s nuts how often this happens. They think that our magazine is so ‘crazy’ and ‘kooky’ that we’ll print any old trash. Wrong! We only like top quality trash.

What’s the aim of your dance-off?
The Dance-off competiton is a big fundraiser for the magazine with all monies going towards printing costs. It’s also a great way of promoting the mag. Besides all that, it’s heaps of fun for everyone and since no-one else is holding dance-off’s and since it’s only an annual event, everyone looks forward to it – so every year it just keeps getting bigger and bigger.

How come everyone at your dance-offs look fucking hot!!! There are always so many hot bitches and gayboys. Do you guys have a HOT policy? Where do the ugly fuckers go when they are denied entry?
No-one is denied entry. We welcome everyone’s money! Also you’ll be surprised by what an ugly person is capable of – you never know how they bust a move. A HOT policy just wouldn’t work anyway; most beautiful people are very boring.

What are your favourite dance moves?
Raquel – The Tango, as danced by Morticia and Gomez Addams in Addams Family Values, and to a lesser extent by Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jamie Lee Curtis in True Lies.
Emily – My all time favourite is in Pretty in Pink when Duckie dances to “Try a Little Tenderness” by Otis Redding. I can’t believe stupid Andie doesn’t want to go out with him after seeing his amazing moves.

Coming in second would be Prince in Purple Rain performing Darling Nikki.

The thing that gets me about DUKE are the cover models. Some are so butt ugly that they’re hot! Where do you find these Mingers?
We don’t think any of them are ugly! Are you sure you’re reading the right magazine?

How hot are you guys?
If we were the president, we’d be Babraham Lincoln.

If I wanted to chat you girls up, where would I find you and what would I need to look like?
Raquel – You’d need to be Jewish. You’d need to be smart, funny, charming, incredibly good looking and a demon in the sack. You can find me at home drinking, at a bar drinking or at the local liquor store, stocking up. Did I mention I drink?

Emily – I prefer my men not to be in the “scene” I like brickie labourers, bus drivers, priests, door-to-door salesmen. Physical men. You can find me at the gym, working out on my abs.

What sort of kinky shit is DUKE into?
Bestiality mainly. We’ve listed all our other kinky fetishes on this website:

The fashion in DUKE is Crazzzy! You guys have obviously seen the future…what does it hold, and is Marc Jacobs still king
Marc Jacobs was dethroned a long time ago. Actually he dethroned HIMSELF when de decided to go through a mid-life crisis and get all those stupid tattoos, die his hair blue and buff up his body. He was much better when he was just a slob.

Our ‘fashion forecast’ changes by the hour. We can’t even keep up. So just wear whatever you want we say!

Now Music Feeds also hates Alex Zabotto-Bentley, we also hate ugly people and Justin Hemmes and the people that go to Ivy…if terrorists blew it up it really wouldn’t be a shame. It’d get rid of a lot of chumps in one go. Sydney would be chump free!  Who else does Duke hate and why?
All of the above, plus about 95% of the Australian populace which includes: indie fools, brainless sycophants, rich kids slumming it, boring people with no sense of fun, people with no sense of humour, 9 to 5ers, teetotalers, urban attention seekers, fags who hate women, dykes who hate men, vegans, self-righteous hippies, people who laugh loudly at the movies when it’s totally unnecessary, people who sit really close to you on the bus, art mums who simply adore indigenous art, artistes, people who introduce themselves by their nicknames, people who only want to talk to us about DUKE magazine (Music Feeds included, SHUT UP ALREADY!), trekkies, people who talk about obscure bands that no-ones ever heard of (MF again, who cares?), people who desperately seek your approval, emasculated dads (they carry their balls in a papoose), cab drivers who don’t know where they’re going, the PC police… shall we continue? Oh one more, Verne Troyer.

In DUKE’s world “where is it at”?
It’s at 204 Parramatta Road Stanmore. NSW 2048. Please feel free to send us fan mail.

How would DUKE go about achieving World Domination?
As we prophesized, the planets of our solar system, incinerating. Like flaming globes, Sigmond. Like flaming globes. Ah, ha, ha, ha…

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