I Am Better Than You – Conspiracy to Commit Stupid
Written by Jesse Hayward
Everyone entertains conspiracy theories at one point or another. Over the years some comedy gems have come marching out of the mouths of mental midgets. These fantasies cover almost every conceivable topic, including the epic faked moon landings, the sinister reptilian aliens ruling the world in human disguise and the lurid Vril Society Conspiracy, which is based on an 1871 sci-fi novel that would probably make a great flick.
Related Posts
-
♫ Art + Culture
I Am Better Than You – This Quiet Musical Cul De Sac -
♫ Art + Culture
I Am Better Than You – The Past Is Better Than You Too -
♫ Features
I Am Better Than You – A Brief History of The Exoskeleton -
♫ Art + Culture
I Am Better Than You – Butthurt Beggars Belief -
♫ Art + Culture
Uncle Sam Could Be The Sweetest Sugar Daddy
Most of these ideas are harmless. Something for us to laugh over when we’ve had too much to drink or smoke. However, some of these ideas can be dangerous when believed and when that belief is acted upon.
Perhaps the worst conspiracy theory that still survives and is believed by a large number of people is the ‘vaccination causes autism/paralysis and drug companies know it’ myth. Think that conspiracy theories are for stupid Americans or crazy hippies? Think again. This year the Sunday Night program, hosted by Mike Munro, aired a special vaccination debate, wherein an angry woman shrieked about the complicity of government and ‘big pharma’ in the paralysis and mental retardation of small children.
Luckily a doctor was there to calmly and methodically shoot down every one of her crackpot theories, false statistics and squawks of angry, confused rhetoric. The contrast between rationality and paranoia was stark; and very, very amusing.
Schadenfreude aside, one must ask, what is the basis of this idea? Why do these people cling to the idea that the government is deliberately paralysing small children in order to gain campaign money from pharmacological corporations?
Well, the thing is, it’s occasionally true, just not often enough to be considered significant. Take, for example, the vaccine for poliomyelitis. This can be administered in two ways, IPV (inactivated virus injectable vaccine) or OPV (oral polio vaccine), which is given as drops in the mouth. The OPV can cause paralysis in the recipient, or even someone in the same house as the recipient.
So! The nuts are right, right? No. OPV causes paralysis in approximately 1 in 2.6 million cases. So for every 2.6 million people saved from polio, one person is possibly paralysed.
All vaccines have the potential to cause a reaction with the immune system of the recipient. That is actually what they’re supposed to do – cause your immune system to produce antibodies. Vaccines also save millions of lives annually – and yes, at this point it becomes a numbers game. Studies show that an 80% vaccination rate drops transmission levels of a disease to negligible levels.
So if you believe this scare-tactic nonsense, and do not get your child immunised, you are putting both your child and the children of others at risk.
Be my guest: believe that the moon landing was faked, believe that the Rockefellers are frill-necks from Alpha Centauri. Just don’t fall for the myth that modern medicine is a conspiracy to harm your child. That way, Scientology lies.
Isn’t this a music mag?
Every vaccine contains a preservative derived from mercury. Whether there’s a proven scientific link or not, there’s plenty of evidence of soaring autism rates.
Especially given that vaccines often lead to patients getting the very disease they’re trying to prevent (my partner ended up with tetanus and will now have lockjaw for the rest of her life from a dodgy tetanus shot), I think that getting on your high horse and dictating what parents should be doing with their children fucking laughable.
PS. You don’t have to believe it’s a _conspiracy_ in order to decide not to immunise your child.
Plenty of wrong has been done by companies and people thinking they’re acting in society’s best interests. Asbestos, anyone?
At the end of the day, if 1 in a million shots causes autism, paralysis, or whatever, how comforting will that statistic be if it’s your child?
Is the risk really worth your child contracting a non-fatal disease, like measles, or the flu?
@inexpert: dodgy tetanus vaccine or dodgy lab technician?
Oh and the use of Theomersil (the organomercury compound you refer to as a preservative) is on the decline.
Its also in a lot of nasally-delivered medicines and even tattoo inks too if you’re that paranoid.
Losing a child to a polio vaccination would be devastating, but then I can’t imagine losing a child to polio would be any less so. Now imagine that pain multiplied by the amount of deaths from polio there would have been if we weren’t vaccinating. I accept that vaccination can sometimes be dangerous, but the fact, the statistically proven fact, is that it is far more dangerous for all concerned not to vaccinate. You would fear for a 1 in 2.6 million longshot rather than protect the species against a deadly disease.
Yes, autism diagnosis is rising. There is no correlation to vaccination levels. So to say “Whether there’s a proven scientific link or not, there’s plenty of evidence of soaring autism rates” is about as meaningful as saying that you’re wearing pants and, while there is no proven scientific link, lemming populations in Sweden remain steady. It is just that sort of illogical thinking that leads to irrational behaviour.
Your position is based on vague, ephemeral ideas about corporate injustices, that have no bearing whatsoever on disease transmission rates, vaccination success rates and comparative population studies. Your position is untenable from a rational perspective. Your position, that you have the right not to immunise your child based on these superstitions, is fundamentally detrimental to the human race.
‘Your position is based on vague, ephemeral ideas about corporate injustices, that have no bearing whatsoever on disease transmission rates, vaccination success rates and comparative population studies. Your position is untenable from a rational perspective. Your position, that you have the right not to immunise your child based on these superstitions, is fundamentally detrimental to the human race.’
Something i happen to agree with mate, just because a child seems to be immune to a certain ailment or seems to be a little ill after a vaccination is not proof enough to start ranting ‘Mum style’ about the conspiracies of the government trying to turn our kids Autistic.. What i seem to see happening is something as simple as someone starting a facebook group or whatever about ‘Say No To Vaccinations and save your child from Autism’ or whatever and now there is this mass hysteria about not immunising your child..To me that just seems like the blind leading the absolutely gullible.Remember just because you see something on the net or fucking Fox News, don’t mean you have the right to spread mis-information and botched statistics around regarding the well being of your child. Some kids are naturally lucky and very healthy, others are unlucky and not very healthy at all..But blaming the government or the hospital or whatever without taking in enough factual information is downright irresponsible and just helps to spread chinese whispers around till everyone is just scared of EVERYTHING.. Dont immunise your kid and see what happens the first time he gets dirt in his freshly scraped knee.. How would you feel if your kid had to lose his leg cos Mum was too ‘informed’ to take the correct precautions with their health? It goes both ways if you wanna argue about it..