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Chocolate Jesus Industries takes over Mum – A Guide To

Written by Michael Carr on July 12, 2011

Now even on the quietest of nights, Mum at World Bar can get a little confusing, and with Chocolate Jesus Industries taking it over this Friday with an avalanche of local talent, we figured a guide to the festivities, the artists playing and just some general party tips were in order.

So first things first, arrival. You’ve obviously gotten there early, what with all the quality music, and being in-the-know you’re already on the list (if you haven’t already, quickly jump over to the Facebook event and click ‘attending’, that way you’ll be on the discount list), so lining up shouldn’t be a problem. Having just saved yourself five bucks on entry, quickly head to the bar and reward yourself with a healthy helping of libations to send you on your merry way to being socially lubricated.

Now the bands. As is the Chocolate Jesus way, the line-up for this event is bulging with quality, the talent sack verging on bursting. Like all nearly bursting sacks then, this one demands a careful and considered approach to fully appreciate and make the most of it. Be wary, the last thing you want is a sack full of quality bursting on you early on.

The collection of local bands being as impressive as it is, over-stimulation is going to be a big problem here, so it’ll be best to break up your time between stages so as to give your senses a break from the raw sexual energy being pumped off the stages. Stop by Sharmaduke opening up the downstairs stage, and when his country crooning has gotten too much for your poor swooning brain to take, head up to catch polyamorous pop outfit Kokomo upstairs. White Ox will be delivering a whacked out DJ/MC set afterwards, so once you’ve tired of throwing yourself about the dancefloor with wild and rhythmic abandon head back downstairs and get blissed out with shoegazers Virgo Rising.

White Ox – 1942 by White Ox

By this point you’ll probably be asking yourself, ‘oh my god, this night is amazing, where are the promoters so I can shower them in gifts and affection and name my children after them?’ This is to be expected. Your best bet at overcoming this hysteria will be to return to the bar for some more liquid composure. There’s a long way to go yet.

Sydney’s original gangsta-forest-pop MCs, Old Men Of Moss Mountain will soon have lured you to their upstairs abode. Now this is very important, no matter how much you want to avoid looking this band in the eyes. Don’t ask me why, just trust me. If you can manage to pry yourself away from this though, which is no easy task considering the band’s thick air of charisma and esoteric eroticism, Whipped Cream Chargers will be playing downstairs. Now guys, mind your partners here, as theirs is an eroticism that is by no means esoteric.

Having been described by local media as bringing ‘the vaginal wetness’ that most other garage rock bands of their ilk lack, Whipped Cream Chargers are well known to Mum, the event and yours too I’m sure. Having stored up a fair degree of sexual tension by this point in the night though, this is a great opportunity to vent some of it on the band. Just be sure to wear protection… by which I mean ear plugs. Seriously, where your mind goes sometimes – disgusting.

Drunk, sore, and hopefully not too badly injured, this is the part of the night where you come to grips with yourself. Leaning heavily over the bathroom sink this is when you look in the mirror and ask yourself, “am I up to the challenge?” “Can I keep going?” and “Why am I bleeding?” The answers are “Yes,” “Fuck yeah” and “Because I’m a fucking sick cunt.” If you’ve gotten this far, Big Dumb Kid headlining the upstairs stage will be the perfect accompaniment to your new found resolve, his brutally honest take on hip hop having been forged out of such situations.

No Art playing downstairs are sort of a gift at this point. Instead of putting on another wild bunch of bastards, we thought that at this stage of the night some actual music might go down well, and No Art were the perfect choice. Their dreamy noise pop walks the line between ‘ooh this is nice,’ and ‘shit, my ears, fuck, awesome,’ making them the perfect band to clear out your wasted heads.

Headlining the event, Reckless Vagina will by this point appear as gods to you on stage, helped in no small part by the heroic consumption of alcohol that you’ve been pursuing since arrival. Now I could tell you what to expect here, but I think it’s best to keep it a surprise and I apologise to the cleaning staff, and your pants, in advance.

If you can’t bear the anticipation though, here is a teaser in the form of their self-produced video for their song Hit & Miss.

As with all gigs though, things must come to end, and this night will be like any other… except for the fact that we’ll have Disco Club churning out dance goodness till the wee hours. This is your last chance to get rid of your pent up arousal though, so feel free to smother SunSun, Balls Deep, Ombudsman and co in your frothy adoration before moving on.

BRIDEZILLA – WESTERN FRONT (DISCO CLUB REMIX) by DISCO CLUB

If you’ve make it this far though, you’ve done a better job than I, having passed out hours ago in the bathroom after throwing up all over myself and currently being roused by a security guard I’m repeatedly calling ‘mother.’ A fitting end to a night named Mum one might say, although a disgusting display of hedonism marked by a complete lack of self control and shame may be more accurate. In any regard, we had fun didn’t we. Oh the sights, the sounds, the inappropriate displays of public affection/defecation, brings a tear to my eye to be seeing it end.

Chocolate Jesus Industries will be taking over Mum at World Bar this Friday July 15th

To add yourself to the discount list just click attending on the Facebook page here.

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