The 7 Worst Christmas Songs Of All Time Made Better With Jack Daniels

Written by Nastassia Baroni on December 10, 2013

Christmas time means many things to us over here at Music Feeds. It’s a time to reflect on the year that was, to get together with dear friends and family to exchange thoughtful gifts, share happy memories and laugh boisterously HA HA HA!

But there’s no doubt our favourite festive tradition is gathering our mates, cracking open a bottle of Jack Daniels Old No 7 and sitting back to enjoy history’s sappiest, cheesiest and weirdest Christmas songs of all time.

So, mates, in the name of tradition and in honour of our favourite spirit, we proudly present the 7 Worst Christmas Songs that can only be made better when enjoyed with friends and a healthy splash of JD.


7. Madonna – Santa Baby

The Material Girl herself successfully ruins a classic and when you can honestly say “The Pussycat Dolls did it better”, you know it’s bad.


6. Paul McCartney – Wonderful Christmas Time

From the Space Invaders intro to the god-awful repetition of the song title, this one from Sir Paul just tips the sap scale for us. Admittedly though, after the third listen, it becomes scarily catchy.


5. David Bowie and Bing Crosby – Peace On Earth/Little Drummer Boy

Look, everyone’s threshold for cheese is heightened this time of year but even the mushiest amongst us couldn’t conceive why music’s coolest, Bowie, and suavest, Bing Crosby, would agree to this 1977 slice of whiffy gouda.


4. New Kids on the Block – Funky, Funky Xmas

It’s the lyrics in this one that make it Christmas art, with those pesky New Kids on the Block cheerfully rapping, “it’s snowing outside but we ho-ho-hoing.” Enjoy!

http://youtu.be/vQ-6N8U_or4


3. Run DMC – Christmas In Hollis

Continuing down our lyrical rabbit hole, Run DMC (and their creepy elf) ditch all street cred and boast “the rhymes you hear are the rhymes of Darryl’s, But each and every year we bust Christmas carols.”


2. Robbie Williams – Walk This Sleigh

And the puns don’t stop there. Chappy Robbie delights us all with his witty stylings as he croons of roasting “our nuts on open fires.” Complete with an interlude of that Mahna Mahna song from The Muppet Show, Robbie proves to us that he clearly believes in Christmas, so what do you believe in?


1. NewSong – The Christmas Shoes

This stinker is by far the worst Christmas song you’ll ever hear. Based on the best-selling book of the same name, our singer narrates the story of a destitute young boy (blergh) trying to purchase some expensive shoes for his gravely ill mother (gak), begging a stranger to help him because he want his mum “to look beautiful, if mama meets Jesus tonight”. Yep.

Forget the hard-sell on the Christian message, this cut from 2000 sounds like it was forgotten in the early ’90s, replete with nylon guitar solo, sweeping chimes and the most insipid, saccharine and breathy vocals you’ve heard outside of Shawn Mullins’ Butterfly Kisses. And, yes, that’s Rob Lowe in the film clip.


So to kick off your favourite holiday tradition head over to the official Jack Daniels Holiday BARREL TREE website and get your hands on a whole bunch of JD goodness, including BBQ Hill recipes, exclusive videos and content and a chance to go in the running to win a trip for you and 7 mates to the JD distillery in Lynchburg, Tennessee!

Disclaimer: Keep in mind these songs are really, really bad so please make sure to drink responsibly.

Join Music Feeds on Facebook

More On Music Feeds

News

Surfer Blood Guitarist’s Cancer Treatment Donations Reported Stolen

After beginning a crowdfunding campaign to support his cancer treatment in April, Surfer Blood guitarist Thomas Fekete has reportedly been robbed of cash donations he has received along with his band’s personal items, after their van was broken into.

News

Watch Paul McCartney Team With Dave Grohl To Perform A Beatles Classic

In a match made in rock n’ roll heaven, Beatles legend and disturbingly frequent Kanye West collaborator Paul McCartney has enlisted the help of Foo Fighters frontman Dave Grohl to perform a rendition of the Fab Four’s early-era classic I Saw Her Standing There.

News

Royal Headache Frontman Says Police Are “Even Dumber” Than Drunk Rock Fans

Shogun, the frontman of Sydney band Royal Headache, says he didn’t want police to storm the stage during the group’s recent performance at the Sydney Opera House because they are “even dumber” than drunk, rock-loving punters.

News

Lana Del Rey Reveals Release Date For Her New Album ‘Honeymoon’

The long-awaited follow-up to Lana Del Rey’s acclaimed sophomore album Ultraviolence will reportedly reach our eardrums this September.

News

Stonefield Announce ‘Golden Dream’ National Tour

Stonefield — that’s Victoria’s Findlay sisters — have announced a national tour in support of their latest track, Golden Dream, and in preparation for their second studio album.

Gig Reviews

The Drones – Sydney Opera House, 24/05/15

Let the record show that there is only one band that can open their set with a song that was voted by a group of their peers as the greatest Australian song of all time.

Around the web

This May Also Interest You