Intended to promote their albums and up coming shows, the livestream quickly (and beautifully) degenerated into a porn and philosophy heavy back-and-forth between Montaigne and GOY’s frontman David Le’aupepe and lead guitarist Joji Malani. Touching on such varied subjects as Dave’s hatred of Phil Collins and the digestive effects of eating day old Chipotle.
Rather than have you wade through it all though, we figured why not take a leaf out of the real FIFA’s book and just put together a little highlight reel. And so with no further ado, we give you… 10 Highlights From Montaigne And Gangs Of Youths’ FIFA Live Stream.
#1- 1:20 Dave Hates Phil Collins
When one cheeky commenter asked Dave what Phil Collins song he’d be covering at Splendour In The Grass this weekend, Dave was unafraid to share his feeling on the Genesis frontman.
“The Phil Collins song I’m doing is Salisbury Hill, because it’s by the real Phill Collins, Peter Gabriel. Jeremy knows I hate Phil Collins, which I really really do.”
Ohhh, the hatred. I Can Feel It.
#2 – 14:50 When They Wouldn’t Stop Talking About Lemon Parties
This wasn’t so much a highlight as a running theme of the stream, with Dave repeatedly telling viewers to google “lemon party” and misquoting an episode of 30 Rock where they reference the obscure sex act.
“That’s my favourite 30 Rock line, “It ain’t a party, with out a lemon party” Dave said.
Not one to keep his fans waiting on tenderhooks though, Dave eventually spilled the beans on what the cryptic term referred to.
“It’s a bunch of old guys fucking” he said, illuminating those of us who have yet to trawl the seedy depths of the internet.
The fans weren’t about to leave it there though, with one commenter asking: “Odds on ‘Google Lemon Party’ being the name of the next GOY album?”
What about a surprise Lemon Party Dave?
“Sports Bet have it at 24:1” Joji, replied not missing a beat.
This went on for a while throughout the stream, with Joji asking viewers to get him stats on how often “docking” occurs in the average Australian home, and a commenter bringing up “kiwi parties” only for Dave to once again explain:
“It’s the same as a lemon party but with hairy people.”
Meanwhile poor Montaigne was stuck in the middle of this exchange, with not much to add.
#3 – 19:10 – When They Went Into (Too Much) Detail About Digesting Spicy Food
Yet another boy heavy topic the stream touched on was the effects of eating spicy food. With one commenter writing that Hot Cheetos are the devil, Dave felt the need to once again illuminate viewers on what real digestional distress feels like.
“Hot Cheetos are the devil? Nah dude, the devil is like, day old chipotle burrito, that shit feels like a lava enema, like an enema of hot coffee. It feels like the second world war is happening in your intestine. Like some evil eugenics racist person is in there committing genocide.”
Once again, it’s all class with the GOY boys.
#4 – 28:00 – When They Addressed Sonia Kruger Being Scared Of Muslims
Things got rather topical about half way through the stream when a commenter asked how they felt about Sonia Kruger’s recent comments about stopping all Muslim immigration so that she can feel safe “as a mother”.
While Montaigne seemed to have luckily missed the whole controversy, Dave was up to date… well on the Muslim comments although he did confuse Kruger with Next Top Model finale bungler Sarah Murdoch at first, saying he felt sorry for her after that. Then came the “but”.
“She said something truly fucking disgusting and idiotic… she shouldn’t have a job, she’s a fucking idiot for saying shit, and I hope her career takes a bit of a back pedal so she can reflect on some of the horrible things she said.”
The moment Sonia Kruger entered the arena.
Still he also gave it back to all the people calling her a fucking idiot and hoping she loses her job.
“Are we becoming so sensitive we can’t even have a dialogue with rational reasonable conservatives? Instead we just throw mud in their face? Aren’t we supposed to protect the whole freedom of speech thing?
Joji however put it in simpler terms. “What if I had a problem with people who are taller than me? I feel unsafe around Sonia Kruger”
He got his revenge later too, through the iron crucible that is FIFA. “As a fuck you to Sonia Kruger I’m picking a Saudi Arabian team.”
#5 – 30:30 – When They Became Momentarily Obsessed With Bees Dicks
Now apparently “a bee’s dick” has become slang for a small amount of something, as Dave illustrated:
“Can I just have a bees dick of milk in my espresso? Can I just get a bees dick of tomato sauce mate? ”
Inspired by that, Joji once again called on viewers to research strange and pointless facts for him.
“Someone google how big a bees dick actually is? Can I just get a bees dick of something?
“Google says “a bee’s dick is about 1/4 of a milimetre” a commenter replied, with another adding “think about that dick to bee ratio tho.”
“Holy shit, that’s pretty big” Dave said.
“No wonder the queen bee loves it so much” Joji replied.
#6 – 37:30 When They Started Talking About Wood Work And Ended Up Talking About Porn Again
Somehow they started talking about wood work class in year seven, but it wasn’t long before the subject turned back to porn:
“I know we’ve talked about porn a lot, but this is relevant,” Joji began.
“So my year 7 wood work teacher got fired because a parent spotted him buying porn from a rental place”
“Was the parent buying porn at the time?” a commenter asked later, before Dave once again chimed in with his two cents.
“Who buys porn, you can access that for free” he asked.
“He was like 70 years old” Joji replied.
Google “70 year old watching porn” like I did… I dare you.
“We live in a market that is totally saturated with that product, who is like flicking through a paper catalogue, well not flicking but peeling the pages apart of a porn catalogue, and thinking like, I might get Backdoor Sluts 9 the DVD, and then you have to wait like a week for the shit to arrive in the mail,” Dave questioned.
How else are the actors going to get paid Dave #supportyourpornstars
#7 – 38:15 – When They Start Coming Up With Themed Cover Versions Of Their Own Albums
Dave then had an idea for Montaigne suggesting she “should do a Horror Core version of your album, and call it Gorious Heights”
Not leaving it there though, he had an idea for GOY as well, telling Joji “then we should do like a sexy soul jam version of Positions and call it Sex Positions.”
“That’s genius, we could sell actual sex jam,” Joji added.
“Missionary Position could be like a gospel/porn funk cross over,” Dave rejoined.
“Isn’t that what Chet Faker is?” Joji quipped before Dave asked: “Did he say that he’s funk?”
“It sure smells like it” Joji came back with, not dropping a beat.
These guys are quick… immature AF, but quick.
#8 – 41:15 When they gave us an insight into GOY’s pre-order package
Speaking of immaturity, when it finally came time to plug their albums, and their pre-order options, Dave was still firmly in primary school humour mode.
“We’ve packaged it with like lumps of Joji’s pubic hair” he revealed.
“In Pez’s, you know those lil Pez (dispenser) things, so you can launch my pubic hair into your mouth” Joji added.
#9 – 42:35 – Dave and Montaigne Get Deep
Considering how much time had been devoted to obscure sex acts and other hilarious/disgusting topics, with a little over 15 minutes to go the three of them got their act together to get down to the deep and meaningfuls, i.e philosophy and why Montaigne named herself after one.
“The reason I chose Montaigne is that he knows himself as like an accidental philosopher” she said.
“He saw himself as the people’s philosopher, and he hates pretence and all that” Dave added.
“Exactly” Montaigne replied, explaining how the philosopher’s hatred of artifice resonated with her.
“I’m pretty up front, and I think you’re pretty up front too” she said to Dave.
Looking good Montaigne!
“I like to think I lie about almost everything, I don’t like to be very honest” he replied with characteristic quick wit, adding that he thinks “honesty is like a retreat for cowards who are afraid to lie to get themselves out of shit. I think opaque is a better way to live your life because transparency is pain, and pain is pain.
“We just started to talk about what we probably should have been talking about when this thing started” Joji noted while a commenter added that “this existential reflection is going straight to the pool room”.
#1o – 51:50: The Lemon Party Jokes Come Full Circle
Things were never going to stay so high bro for very long though, with things soon devolving back to porn talk when a commenter asked: “If a lemon party ran for senate, would you vote for them?”
“I don’t think we’d vote for them, we’d be part of the campaign,” Joji replied.
Dave however, somehow managed to bring the joke full circle and steer the conversation back into deeper water.
“Let’s be totally fucking real, there is already a distinctly orgiastic lemon party already going on in the senate, and we voted for it and it’s existed for a hundred years and it’s our fucking fault,” he said.
He wasn’t done though as when another commenter asked if he was “trying to say that Pauline Hanson is actually a lemon in disguise?” he let loose with the following:
“No, she’s just a fucking total lemon. She’s like a shitty Datsun that hates Muslims. Fuck her.”
Watch the highlight reel below and head here for the full stream!
Montaigne and Gang of Youths play Splendour in the Grass 2016. Stay tuned to Music Feeds for all the coverage this weekend!