There are some problems you can get rid of by aiming an RPG at them and some you can’t, and it appears that the seemingly never-ending problem of pirates in the Arabian Sea belongs to the former category. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and naval officers are now reportedly busting out the big guns – launching the timeless compositions of erstwhile pop behemoth Britney Spears straight into the earholes of unsuspecting poverty-stricken Somali pirates.
The Britney ‘Big Bertha’ Spears hits that we all know and love, be they Oops! I Did It Again or Baby One More Time, are perhaps the Achilles heel of the pirates, who apparently hold a strong disdain for western culture in any form. Merchant navy officer Rachel Owens explained the method behind this madness to UK’s Metro:
“Her songs were chosen by the security team because they thought the pirates would hate them most. These guys can’t stand Western culture or music, making Britney’s hits perfect. As soon as the pirates get a blast of Britney, they move on as quickly as they can.”
So effective are the new measures that ships rarely have to resort to firing guns, claims Owens.
Speaking on behalf of the Security Association for the Maritime Industry, Steven Jones has explained that their organisation would like to use harsher techniques against the ever-present threat, but fear delving deeper into the pop-culture rabbit hole may break international humanitarian codes:
“Pirates will go to any lengths to avoid or try to overcome the music… I’d imagine using Justin Bieber would be against the Geneva Convention.”
Of course, this could all just be a bizarre marketing ploy given that she did recently release her latest single Work Bitch, set to be featured on her forthcoming album Britney Jean. That particular track has already repelled its own producer, will.i.am, himself wanted for several crimes against pop, who says that the track isn’t necessarily a reflection of the album.
Until today, we though that kind of stunt would have been pretty weak, even for Brits. Then we saw this…
Watch: Britney Spears – It’s Britney Witch