Just when you thought we lived in a time when the scientific community was free from sweeping generalisations, this comes along. A recent study titled ‘Early Adolescent Music Preferences and Minor Delinquency’ put together by a group of so-called experts from the Netherlands has come to the conclusion that kids who listen to anything but pop or jazz will probably end up behind bars, and just be an all-round shitty person.
According to the study, which you can read in full here, this is the first time anyone has proven that the fact that you, or your children listen to “noisy, rebellious, non-mainstream music genres is a strong predictor of concurrent and later minor delinquency”. To clarify, “noisy, rebellious, non-mainstream music” refers to stereotypically ‘deviant’ music, such as hip-hop, heavy metal, gothic, punk, and techno/hardhouse. But hold on – if you’re into R&B, rock, and trance you’re still not out of the woods. According to the study, that’s a dead giveaway you’re an agent of deviant behaviour.
The findings were the conclusion of interviewing 300 children aged between 12 to 16 and landed in the Official Journal Of The American Academy Of Pediatrics. Their results have also shown that if you listen to pop music, jazz, classical or other ‘conventional’ forms of music, you’re going to be a model citizen and can do no wrong.
The group seem pretty confident with their results, despite all the variables at play with these things. And hey, what would we know? Most of us are just a bunch of delinquents anyway, apparently.