So you’ve kooked it, and for whatever reason, whether they be financial, work-related, insanity-based or perhaps because you’re trapped in a bunker by a nefarious cult leader who’s convinced you the apocalypse is here, you’re not attending Splendour in the Grass 2015 this weekend. Well, we’ve got one thing to say to you.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA SUCK IT IDIOT!
Yeah, ya blew it, but that being said, you’re going to want to prepare somehow for the rollercoaster ride of emotions you will no doubt experience over the coming weekend, so here’s a handy guide of what to expect as you solitarily seethe in jealousy and most probably spend hours staring at yourself in the mirror muttering over and over “Why?”.
1. It’s the week of Splendour and you’re afraid to open your laptop because your entire news feed is just people talking about it.
2. Seeing all your friend’s Instagrams of their Splendour road-trips and you refuse to like their posts out of spite.
3. Friday comes along and news of the first few ~boring~ acts come through and you don’t even care.
4. You ignore the first niggling signs of jealousy and convince yourself you’ve done the right thing by not going.
5. You’re playing it cool but then you hear about that INSANE on-stage collab between your two favourite artists.
6. THAT DID NOT JUST HAPPEN WITHOUT ME.
7. For the first time you realise what you’ve done.
8. But you can’t stop checking for new updates from Splendour, despite what it’s doing to you.
9. And then you hear about an act dropping out at the last minute and you feel good about it.
10. And then it starts pissing down rain in Byron.
11. And you remember how much warmer and drier you are at home.
12. Plus there’s all that money you’re saving by not going to Splendour!
13. But then you turn on the radio and Triple J is playing Florence live and jealousy hits you all over again.
14. You decide to head out and hang with other Non-Splendour people to distract you from your rage, but you all end up just doing this.
15. When your friend goes, “OMG did you hear that Mark Ronson…”
16. The moment you receive the one hundredth Snapchat from someone at Splendour and it’s all too much.
17. YOU RIGHT NOW.
18. You’ve accepted your colossal mistake and are at one with your non-Splendour self.
19. Soon everyone’s home and telling you ALL about their life-changing experience at Splendour and you pretend to be okay with that.
20. It’s ok though, because now you KNOW you will be at Splendour in the Grass 2016, because you’re not going through that shit again.
ADD US ON SNAPCHAT TO STAY UP TO DATE WITH ALL THE SPLENDOUR ANTICS FROM BACKSTAGE AND MORE BECAUSE YOU REALLY HATE YOURSELF! USERNAME: musicfeedsoz