Ill Vernak #1

We love rap… and we love the vernacular that comes with it right? Say word! What is it about this “ill vernak” that attracts us to rap, more importantly what actually makes us try and invent such slang and in turn push this jargon upon each other or onto other unwilling participants? I don’t have a definitive answer for that but this is a small insight into the wonderful world of speak that only you and a select few truly understand.

Let me tell you this, no normal woman wants to be told they rock a “balmy jootz”, no real man wants to be “sonned” or heaven forbid “siblinged” and don’t expect a real answer when you ask anyone if they wanna “get their grits on with a conch”. These are in house jokes… pardon me, phrases used by certain eye dub parlay peepers on the come up, jerry that! We are not trying to confuse you but fuse crew, nahmeen? Can you ever expect this type of speak to ever catch on? Who gives a fuck! Rappers like Ghostface Killah have been putting it down in a similar vein for years, Camp Lo’s vernacular is so pimped out they actually talk with a limp and then there’s Kool Keith… What?!?!? By the way that’s not what like what? But what like WHAT!

The insertion of slang into popular culture has always been a favourite pastime of us rap heads and by no means are we the only sub culture testing the waters with these lil diddies nor is it exclusive to people of our generation or to people with such short attention spans as ourselves. Every group has its own exclusive language in which it communicates- pesh pesh penadlocks, I’m looking at you! Every band of brothers converse in their own unique way but please get creative in your speaks- don’t recycle some bullshit you heard from a drunk 29 year old waiting for the venga bus outside some Broadway pub last weekend. Thestruggle continues.

Here are a few tips on the science of creating and coining some of your very own “ill vernak” to be put on rotation amongst close friends and associates.

Firstly, for your vernacular to be picked up and inducted into your own circles you must believe in it. Secondly, pick your spots in the conversation and drop with such conviction people can’t help but notice it. Make sure that the new slang is so tough people need only question it once. Finally, reiterate the new vernacular in another unrelated statement then kick back, relax and wait for your “ill vernak” to come back to you. Let me tell you that once it does, the problem will not be do people understand it but who was actually king enough to make that initial insertion into their vocabulary. Vernacular pimps know what I’m talkin ’bout!

Stay off the key ends.

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