Legendary Dad Reviews Billie Eilish Gig With His 12YO Daughter

Aussie music identity and journalist Mikey Cahill took his 12-year-old Billie Eilish-obsessed daughter Juno to see the pop superstar’s show at Melbourne’s Rod Laver Arena on Tuesday, 4th March. Read his full review down below!

Rod Laver Arena has seen some shit.

P!nk somersault-singing through the air like a bat out of hell. Tool’s Maynard James Keenan skulking in the shadows wearing what one could fairly describe as an adult diaper. The Wiggles in loud fucking skivvies, making loud, repetitive music.

“This is a fcking show”*

And now Billie Eilish levitating on a magic carpet (read: concrete slab), emerging through a giant cube made of LED Screens, refracted blue lights zigzagging until she emerges like a glowing butterfly, chained to the middle looking like Rihanna entering The 2023 Superbowl and Princess Leia when she was hanging Jabba the Hutt (but less slave-y, more safety).

Elevation feels like a theme here.

It speaks to her hovering high above a stage in the round.

It speaks to the spirits of the crowd, the vibe doesn’t dip for a full 21 songs.

It speaks to her artistic ability to keep levelling up in an era of Tik Tok attention spans, shrinking music media and a world that demands everyone has main character energy.

And it also speaks to a human who has overcome some very dark days. Only two summers ago Billie wrote in her journal, in all-caps, “I know I’m lucky/But I’m so unhappy.” Imagine suffering from depression and Tourette’s but still having the pressure to get back “in cycle” and set off on world tours like this one in support of her third album Hit Me Hard Hit Me Soft.

This time around she’s sans sibling — Finneas has emerged as an artist in his own right. Thankfully, her eight-piece band are clearly her buddies too, they play mostly submerged in the stage, Eilish brings her singers up for a couple of songs, texturing the set wisely.

Eilish’s poise and natural charisma comes through when interacting with fans in the front row. One girl has a sign that says, “Sign my boobs”. Eilish curves an eyebrow her way and wisely keeps on moving as she circumnavigates the stage, determined to make everyone feel like they’re part of the action.

My daughter’s sign reads: “BILLIE ARE YOU THERE? YOU’RE THE GREATEST.”

NB: I am contractually obliged to include that in the review.

So, to the show.

Eilish’s fit is very on brand for her, a pinstriped black n white J-Unit hoodie, baggy top and purple basketball shorts.

The 23-year-old’s iconic smirk never crosses the line to smug, she doesn’t phone in a second of her stage time.

Beginning with ‘Chihiro’ into ‘Lunch’, the crowd is in full voice. A superfan next to us weeps uncontrollably as Eilish splices ‘NDA’ into ‘Therefore I Am’, causing the first proper boogie of the night. Yes, people still say boogie.

Elish pauses for the first time and lets out a happy sigh into the mic: “Ahhhh”. The crowd erupts in squeals and cheers and declarations of love. Eilish absorbs it all.

“It’s very good to see you tonight Melbourne” (pause, 15,000 screams), “this is the first of four shows we’re doing here” (another 15,000 screams).

Later: “This tour has been like summer camp, we’re just frolicking,” she says. Indeed, her recent Instagram sees her hooning on a jet ski, nobody tag Jacqui Felgate.

She manages to shush the crowd into transcendent silence for ‘when the party is over’, sitting on her hovering slab. Rod Laver Arena can now add “ghostly gospel loop performed by a Foot Locker employee lookalike” to the shit it’s seen.

Everyone’s voice gets a brief break before ‘The Diner’s rickety intro and hip-hop beat rings out. One reddit user describes it “sounding like it samples Outkast’s ‘the way you move’.” She looks skyward, ‘happier than ever’ (?), her lip quivering in delight, perhaps reflecting on where she was two years ago.

‘Bad Guy’ lifts the energy up and a woman behind me starts grabbing my hands and yelling “Slay”, maybe thinking I’m a single father here with my kid? I know daddy’s are having a moment but steady on, sister.

Eilish goes political towards the end of the set: “I first came here when I was 15 years old. It’s really not a good time for the U.S. I’ve never been less proud of my country. I just wanna say all the women in this room are safe” (15,000 of the loudest screams yet).

She pops up on a B Stage for ‘Guess’, Charli XCX’s verses play out on tape as the screen goes full brat, showing the white-hot, lime-green-enthusiast gyrating and singing her global smash. Eilish relishes the closing line: “Charli likes boys but she knows I’d hit it”.

‘bury a friend stomps’ out its Nine Inch Nails drumbeat and flames burst up from the stage, a wave of heat licks our flushed cheeks.

This is a fucking show.

All things must come to an end and ‘Birds of a Feather’s 90’s rom-com beat kicks into rapturous applause. Confetti canons explode with yellow and red paper raining down on us as well as her Blohsh symbol, Billie’s genderless stick figure human.

My daughter and I catch two as they flutter down, pop them in our pockets and head for the train station. Juno rests on my shoulder and says: “I wish I was still there and the concert was still going”.

We put the slanted stickmen in a David Bowie book (one of Eilish’s heroes) when we get home to remove the creases when the party is over.