So ICYMI: the world is currently being terrorised by a legion of demonic rogue clowns. The so-called “Clown Purge” or “Clownpocalypse” – which sees random sick fucks don creepy clown outfits in public for the sole purpose of scaring the crap out of people – apparently began in the US and has since spread to Australia, with incidents recently being reported in Perth and Brisbane and police issuing warnings to prospective copycats in Adelaide.
And in the wake of society being plunged into this nightmarish clown-filled hell-dimension, TIME Magazine have tapped career clown Violent J of Insane Clown Posse to deliver his hot take on the new craze.
In a new think piece for TIME, the ICP unit warns readers that their mass hysteria over the demon clown uprising is misplaced, because the “real killer clowns” don’t wear face paint.
“There’s a whole army of scary, terrifying and dangerous clowns out there in this country trying to suppress the rights of thousands of people to exercise the most basic part of the Declaration of Independence,” he writes.
“These clowns threaten the very fabric on which our nation was supposedly founded upon—and for some fucking crazy-ass reason, they’re getting away with it. From keystone-cop clowns shooting unarmed citizens, to racist clowns burning down Islamic centers or clowns in the NSA spying on us through our cell phones and laptops, America has turned into something far more terrifying than Insane Clown Posse’s Dark Carnival. Even a scrub like me who dropped out of school in ninth grade can see what’s going on. Today’s reality is scarier than anything you’ll ever hear on one of our albums.”
Violent J then goes on to use what happened to ICP’s own fanbase AKA the Juggalos, when the FBI officially had them branded as a gang in their National Gang Threat Assessment report.
“Ever since, they have been targeted, profiled and blatantly discriminated on by law enforcement agencies across America,” J writes. “…This completely ridiculous gang label slapped on Juggalos is literally destroying lives.
“Fact: People simply walking their dogs while wearing an ICP shirt have been stopped, searched and added to the local gang member database—when no crime has been committed. This has happened hundreds and hundreds of times across the U.S., and the stories just get worse from there…”
He then drives the point home by concluding the punchy essay like so: “So you don’t like ICP’s profanity-filled raps, or that we throw soda everywhere at our shows. Or you don’t get why anybody would ever want to attend our Gathering of the Juggalos festival. Just know that, despite these sensationalized reports about ‘killer clowns’ wreaking mischief across the nation, there are real clowns out there killing ours and your very rights as an American citizen.
Now that’s truly scary, and nothing to clown around about.”
So there you go. We should stop spending so much time worrying about dickhead clowns lurking in the bushes and more time worrying about the ones in charge of our countries.
This punter from today’s Keep Sydney Open rally is defo catching what Violent J is throwing:
Image via Ashley Mar.