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The Rolling Stones Once Fired Donald Trump And It Was Epic AF

Everyone knows that Donald Trump is a little bit, shall we say, sack-happy.

you're fired

It’s kind of his thing.

But in light of his recent upsurge of notoriety (on account of the whole trying-to-run-for-president and being an incy-bit-racist thing), an old story about a time that The Donald himself was once fired has grown new legs.

And it’s given us a warm fuzzy feeling inside to learn that the ones responsible for his ass-canning were none other than The Rolling Stones.

And under fucking epic circumstances.

Adding another chapter to the Stones’ already legendary mythology, a sequence of events back in the 80’s led Keith Richards to pull out a knife and call for Trump’s royal shit-bricking.

“Do I have to go over there and fire him myself?” He demanded of Canadian concert promoter Michael Cohl at the time. “One of us is leaving the building – either him, or us.”

Cohl shared this clash-of-the-geriatric-titans story last February, while he was delivering a keynote speech for Pollstar Live!

While recounting the Stones’ $100 million-grossing 1989 Steel Wheels tour, be paused and asked the crowd: “By the way, do you want to hear about the night I fired Donald Trump?”

The year was 1989, and Cohl was planning a pay-per-view concert event based on the Vegas boxing model, but Vegas had yet to cotton on to rock n’ roll, so old mate was forced to turn to Atlantic City instead, which meant one thing: Trump.

“I opened my big mouth in the meeting with the Rolling Stones where they go, ‘This is all great, but we’re not going to be affiliated with Donald Trump. At all. Screw you.’ And I go, ‘I will control Donald Trump! Don’t you worry!’” he recounted.

To satisfy everyone involved, a deal was then struck, specifying that The Donald would not be present in the orange flesh for the sold out shows, nor would he promote himself in any association with the Stones.

But Donald Trump being Donald Trump, things didn’t go according to plan.

The rest of the story, in Cohl’s own words, went as follows (Via the National Post):

“It’s the night of the show.

At about 5:50 p.m. I get word that I have to come to the press room in the next building. I run to the press room in the next building and what do you think is happening? There’s Donald Trump giving a press conference, in our room!

I give him the [come here gesture]. “Come on, Donald, what are you doing? A) You promised us you wouldn’t even be here and, B) you promised you would never do this.” He says, “But they begged me to go up, Michael! They begged me to go up!” I say, “Stop it. Stop it. This could be crazy. Do what you said you would. Don’t make a liar of yourself.”

I go back to the dressing room. Five minutes later, he’s back up. They call me back over there. I call him out (again). Same thing happens. I go back to the dressing room. And I leave my walkie-talkie on in the dressing room. Moronic, on my part.

They call me back, at which point Keith pulls out his knife and slams it on the table and says, “What the hell do I have you for? Do I have to go over there and fire him myself? One of us is leaving the building – either him, or us.” I said, “No. I’ll go do it. Don’t you worry.”

I run over. He’s up there again! I go [gives the come here gesture]. We go into the hallway. I said, “Donald. You lied. You broke your promise. One of two things is going to happen. You’re going to leave the building and, at 6:40, the Rolling Stones are going to speak on CBS News, or you’re not going to leave the building and I’m going to go on and do an interview to explain to the world why the pay-per-view was canceled. I know it’s your building and…” – and in my head I’m going, this is so crazy, right? I’m trying to throw Donald Trump out of his own building.

But, anyway, the bottom line is I look at Donald and said, “You and Marla (Maples) have to go. You’re fired.” He looks at me and goes berserk.

I notice the three shtarkers he’s with, in trench coats, two of them are putting on gloves and the other one is putting on brass knuckles. I go on the walkie-talkie and I call for Jim Callahan, who was head of our security, and I go, “Jim, I think I’m in a bit of trouble.” And he says, “Just turn around.”

I turn around. He’s got 40 of the crew with tire irons and hockey sticks and screwdrivers.

“And now, are you gonna go, Donald?”

And off he went.

And that was the night I fired Donald Trump.”

oh snap

For more hilarious and informative banter at Donald Trump Drumpf’s expense, please enjoy the following brilliant video from comedian/genius John Oliver.

Our main story was about Donald Trump. We can’t believe we’re saying that either.

Posted by Last Week Tonight with John Oliver on Sunday, February 28, 2016

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