So, you thought you’d steal away from a, notably shit house, Australian winter and go live it up amongst the palm trees and cocktail buckets of Bali. What a pleasant idea that was. Except, whoops, you’ve gone and cooked it and travelled during volcano season (it’s a thing, deal with it) and are now trapped in Australia’s favourite bogan playground courtesy of Mount Raung, literally shitting an obtrusive ash cloud all on your parade.
Although it’s pretty easy to sit here in chilly, rain-soaked Sydney and LOL at your predicament, that approach does get a bit old after the four straight hours of it I just did, so instead I thought I’d offer you this, the perfect playlist for being stranded in Bali, because of a mother-fucking volcano.
Johnny Cash – Ring of Fire
Hey Mount Raung, FUCK YOU! You 2-kilometre-wide and 500-metre-deep piece of shit, volcanic caldera. With your differing coloured rim and flank caused by the rim’s lack of vegetation compared with the healthy and extensive vegetation on the flanks, like a big jerk! (How good’s wikipedia btw). Eat a magma dick Raung! More like ring of sigh-er am I right?
Drapht – Bali Party
Hey, try and look on the bright-side, things could be worse. You could be listening to noted garbage song Bali Party, by Drapht, WHILST stuck in Bali. Such a combination of the overwhelming sensations of utter despair and frustration, plus the fact you’re stuck in Bali, would create some sort of super sadness event horizon you’d never escape from. So don’t do it, I guess?
Phil Collins – Another Day In Paradise
Edward Sharpe And The Magnetic Zeros – Home
What is home, really? What is it that you’re missing out on by not being there? Is it merely a metaphysical construct denoted to a geographical location with a higher amount of instilled comfort and familiarity? Or is it “whenever I’m with you”? Mmm, deep.
Heart – Stranded
Simply walk up to the nearest Jetstar or Virgin Blue official and hit play on this bad boy. It’s LITERALLY written for such a moment.
“Don’t leave me like this
Don’t leave me stranded
If you walk away now
You leave me empty handed
Don’t leave me like this
Don’t leave me stranded
Don’t leave me now
Don’t leave me…
Wasn’t it you
Who brought me here”
Christine Anu – My Island Home
Look, maybe just give up on trying to get back to Australia. Bali is your home now. This is your life. You love Bintang, right? Scooters are your favourite means of transportation? Of course they are. You’re gonna be ok, at your new island home: Bali.
John Denver – Leaving On A Jet Plane
This one’s funny because this is literally what you are not doing right now. Also the song’s creator John Denver died in an airplane crash, so… oh ok, less funny I guess.
Hoodoo Gurus – 1000 Miles
Although I think this classic Gurus tune is more about the metaphorical distance experienced between two disconnected souls, but let’s go ahead and take it in a more literal way. God Australia makes some good rock music. You remember Australia right? That place you’re not in right now? Hahah, yeah that one.