Every second that you spend reading this takes you another second closer to finding out what the hell is actually going on with Slipknot and Ozzy Osbourne.
The titans of metal have been teasing us with a “very big announcement” coming early tomorrow morning (Aussie time) and THE WAIT IS FKN KILLING US.
So we’ve put on our thinking caps and reckon we’ve got the nature of their big announcement narrowed down to two potential outcomes: one that would be a total game-changer for Aussie fans, and another that – well – wouldn’t be.
But just in case our gut feeling is off the mark, we’ve included a few other alternative theories as well.
So while you wait for Ozzy & Corey to Spit It Out, check out our predictions below, and commence waiting position.
UPDATE 13/05/16: As our suspicions confirmed, Slipknot and Ozzy Osbourne have announced an allegiance between each of their festivals, dubbed Ozzfest Meets Knotfest. See the mega lineup here.
1. They’ve recorded a surprise collab album
Not to be outdone by Iggy Pop & QOTSA’s Josh Homme, Ozzy and The Nine have teamed up to deliver the mother flippin’ Titanic of surprise collab albums, and one that could quite possibly be the greatest heavy metal record of all time.
2. They’re teaming up for a joint world tour
After realising that the only way to restore heavy metal to its former glory is by combining their powers, the lords of metal past and present are teaming up to take over the world with the biggest co-headlining bill since Guns N’ Roses and Metallica toured together in 1992.
3. Ozzy and Corey have fallen in love
The pair’s big announcement teaser comes hot on the heels of Ozzy and his wife Sharon’s very public marriage breakdown, with widely circulating reports that the split was due to The Prince Of Darkness cheating on Shaz. But what if said person was CT the whole time, and now the pair are getting ready to announce their beautiful new relationship to the world? And if you think that’s ridiculous, just remember rule 34 of the internet.
4. They’re forming the world’s biggest metal supergroup
Slipknot and Black Sabbath are merging to form the ultimate metal supergroup, with two lead vocalists, two bass players, two drummers, three guitarists, one turntablist, one keyboardist and two dudes who wear masks, occasionally bang on some drums and generally scare the shit out of everyone.
5. Ozzy is retiring
Ozzy Osbourne is retiring as the King of heavy metal and using this imminent press conference to endorse Corey Taylor as his successor. After the announcement is made there will be an official coronation ceremony during which CT will bite the head off a bat and drink his own piss.
6. They’re Merging Ozzfest and Knotfest… And Coming To Australia!
Levelling with you: the announcement will almost certainly centre around some kind of Ozzfest/Knotfest merger. We know this because both acts have posted an image of the festivals’ logos combined into one on their respective social media pages. Now ask yourself: is it a coincidence that this big announcement is coming at a time when Slipknot are already teasing imminent Aussie tour dates? Perhaps. But with the death of Soundwave, the time has never been riper for a new event to come along and fill the huge hole that’s been left in the Aussie metal festival scene. Even former SW boss AJ Maddah who seems to have insider knowledge about the tour has said the announcement could “possibly” relate to Aus. Devil horns crossed!
7. They’re Merging Ozzfest and Knotfest… And Not Coming To Australia 🙁
The (unfortunately) equally likely scenario is that #Knozzfest is happening, but overseas in the US or Europe or one of the other places in the northern hemisphere that get to have all the fun. The result being yet an other incredible metal festival that none of us will get to go to. Boo-urns!
7 Things We Think Slipknot & Ozzy Osbourne's Massive Joint Announcement Could Possibly Be
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1. They've recorded a surprise collab album
Not to be outdone by Iggy Pop & QOTSA's Josh Homme, Ozzy and The Nine have teamed up to deliver the mother flippin' Titanic of surprise collab albums, and one that could quite possibly be the greatest heavy metal record of all time. -
2. They're teaming up for a joint world tour
After realising that the only way to restore heavy metal to its former glory is by combining their powers, the lords of metal past and present are teaming up to take over the world with the biggest co-headlining bill since Guns N' Roses and Metallica toured together in 1992. -
3. Ozzy and Corey have fallen in love
The pair's big announcement teaser comes hot on the heels of Ozzy and his wife Sharon's very public marriage breakdown, with widely circulating reports that the split was due to The Prince Of Darkness cheating on Shaz. But what if said person was CT the whole time, and now the pair are getting ready to announce their beautiful new relationship to the world? And if you think that's ridiculous, just remember rule 34 of the internet. -
4. They're forming the world's biggest metal supergroup
Slipknot and Black Sabbath are merging to form the ultimate metal supergroup, with two lead vocalists, two bass players, two drummers, three guitarists, one turntablist, one keyboardist and two dudes who wear masks, occasionally bang on some drums and generally scare the shit out of everyone. -
5. Ozzy is retiring
Ozzy Osbourne is retiring as the King of heavy metal and using this imminent press conference to endorse Corey Taylor as his successor. After the announcement is made there will be an official coronation ceremony during which CT will bite the head off a bat and drink his own piss. -
6. They're Merging Ozzfest and Knotfest... And Coming To Australia!
Levelling with you: the announcement will almost certainly centre around some kind of Ozzfest/Knotfest merger. We know this because both acts have posted an image of the festivals' logos combined into one on their respective social media pages. Now ask yourself: is it a coincidence that this big announcement is coming at a time when Slipknot are already teasing imminent Aussie tour dates? Perhaps. But with the death of Soundwave, the time has never been riper for a new event to come along and fill the huge hole that's been left in the Aussie metal festival scene. Even former SW boss AJ Maddah who seems to have insider knowledge about the tour has said the announcement could "possibly" relate to Aus. Devil horns crossed! -
7. They're Merging Ozzfest and Knotfest... And Not Coming To Australia 🙁
The (unfortunately) equally likely scenario is that #Knozzfest is happening, but overseas in the US or Europe or one of the other places in the northern hemisphere that get to have all the fun. The result being yet an other incredible metal festival that none of us will get to go to. Boo-urns!
