According to apocalyptic Christian organisation, Christwire, attendees of Coachella will “be exposed to forceful anal sex intrusion while sinfully high on hydraulic Pontiac chronic, supplied by chocolate skinned urban dope dealing assassins. ” I shit you not.
The group have essentially started their own Jihad on the festival; firstly listing reasons as to why people who attend the festival will die. “With the amount of drugs and rape, your daughter or son has a large chance of dying from a drug overdose, alcohol poisoning, sex game gone wrong accident or be murdered by an Ecstasy induced wizard.” Yes. Wizards. Voldemort and his Death Eaters will go to town on the entire festival directly after Swedish House Mafia drop ‘Save The World’.
The articles, available here and here which are quite hard to distinguish between extremist Christianity and comedy, continue to discuss the real meaning behind the festival. “The festival is a huge mask to make it seem like it is about music, but it is only about sex. Boys use drugs to make girls pass out or to make them not have the ability to fight back while they are performing a gang rape on them. The music is to cover up any type of screams or cries for help.” Christwire continue to attack the festival, by taking sly digs at headliners saying that “Snoopy Dogg and Dr. Drea will be encouraging your young princesses to post thousands of bandwidths worth of Twitpic photos of themselves tampering with pot smoking anal orgies to their food line friends in hopes of scoring some free amateur demon whacking materials.”
The intelligence at Christwire.org, the same website that published the article Rap Group LMFAO Sells “Erotic Ghetto Chaos” to America’s Children, have not whipped this out of nowhere either, oh no, this assault on what should normally be a happy and joyous festival has been going on since the 2006 festival when Depahe Mode, Smashing Pumpkins and Sigur Ros headlined. They have included these fun graphs to prove their point
So rap lovers, you’ve got a 65% chance of getting laid.
In response to last year’s Coachella festival, headlined by Kanye West, Arcade Fire and Kings of Leon, the following video was posted.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Ks3Lu2zReU
