Private Function have officially called time on their beautifully unhinged nine-year reign, announcing their split in the most on-brand way imaginable: by gifting fans, on Christmas Day, an image of a wrapped lump of coal that read “we broke up lol”.
The Melbourne chaos merchants shared the news on socials today, just days after teasing a mysterious festive “event” instead of their usual annual Christmas show.
“we broke up lol”
“Because you’ve all been such naughty children this year we’ve decided you’re all getting the present you deserve,” the band wrote. “WE’RE BREAKING UP LOL.” They followed it up with a heartfelt thanks to fans for sticking with them through the carnage, promising to “buy you all a beer one day x”.
But while the announcement came wrapped in tinsel and irony, bassist Milla Holland’s follow-up Instagram story ripped the bandaid off the joke.
“For 9 years we destroyed our bodies and minds, we made a lot of industry people a lot of money and saw very little ourselves,” she wrote. “It became unsustainable as we got older and more injured.
“Cautionary tale,” she continued. “The Australian music industry is parasitic and you only get more exploited the higher up they let you.”
She didn’t stop there either, declaring music festivals “dogshit” and “vibeless environmental disasters” pushed by corporate interests – though she made sure to shout out the early days playing sweaty little rooms as her best memories. It’s a sobering gut-punch from a band who’ve spent nearly a decade skewering the industry from the inside.
Formed in late 2016, Private Function somehow managed to go from cassette EPs and Yah Yah’s Christmas shows to ARIA Top 10 albums, ARIA nominations, urine-filled vinyl editions and a special pressing of their latest album that reportedly smelled like Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina (??)
Their 2019 debut St Anger, 2020’s Whose Line Is It Anyway? and this year’s beautifully nihilistic ¯\(ツ)/¯ turned them into cult heroes, even earning them stadium support slots with Green Day. Just days ago they were reportedly back in the studio to record an album – now confirmed to be their swansong – with the band promising a few final shows and “a few surprises” before they bail completely, including their upcoming national tour with Viagra Boys and slot at Froth & Fury Festival.
Further Reading
Froth & Fury 2026 Line-Up: Polaris, Soulfly, In Hearts Wake + More
Private Function Announce Their Fourth Album, Which Is Literally Called ‘¯\_(ツ)_/¯’
Private Function Bass Player Smokes a Can Pipe on the ARIAs Red Carpet
