When the very first trailer for Cats dropped, there was a fairly mutual reaction of: “what the actual f*ck is that”.
Given that the original musical was ~fairly~ creepy itself, I don’t know if anyone should’ve been so surprised, but Taylor Swift and Idris Elba taking on human cat bodies was… different.
Anyway, the movie premiered last night and the reviews are in. We haven’t seen it and honestly, we probably won’t. According to reviews, the film is incredibly creepy, like a fresh hell, and filmmakers did, indeed CGI out Jason Derulo’s you-know-what.
In fact, the nicest review we’ve seen on the film comes from news.com.au who said, “But now that it’s here, is it an amazing, visual spectacle or a total trainwreck? It’s neither.”
“It’s not the disaster so many feared it would be,” is believe it or not, potentially the most controversial Cats opinion.
Pedestrian TV titled their review, “‘Cats’ Is A Horror Movie”. “Many have said that Andrew Lloyd Webber’s most famous musical, about a group of singing, dancing felines, is unfilmable. After seeing Tom Hooper’s version, I would have to agree,” opened Pedestrian’s reviewer Alasdair Duncan, before labelling the film a “110 minute fever dream”. Oof.
Junkee has given us an eery take. They say there are some redeemable qualities: Jennifer Hudson’s performance of ‘Memory’ and Jason Derulo apparently does alright as Rum Tum Tugger. The biggest takeaway from their review is that at one point, Rebel Wilson unzips her fur to reveal a “bedazzled hot pink bodysuit”. Okay.
Gizmodo posited that “Cats defies belief because it exists and yet at every turn, it is very obvious that Cats should not exist.” The Guardian declared it to be, “a purr-fectly dreadful hairball of woe.
Twitter is going off too.
#CatsMovie is terrible. A descent into madness, while at the same time showing you what the gates of hell might look like. This is the best way to torture someone. This comes from someone who can appreciate musicals. I did burst out laughing when the first cat jumped out singing pic.twitter.com/hT1ukdlp8B
— Darth Pope (@popetheking) December 19, 2019
#catsmovie is the FUNNY GAMES of musicals, one seemingly designed to punish you for having wanted to watch it in the first place.
— Winter Storm Meghan (@ADuralde) December 19, 2019
Some people even reckon that Taylor Swift’s five-minute stint in the film was actually its only saving grace.
Tom Hooper’s “Cats” presents us two facts: Cats are not dogs and Taylor Swift is our greatest living artist. The rest is catnip. Read Dilara Elbir’s (@elbirdilara) review here:https://t.co/P2eR31Rt46
— Much Ado About Cinema (@muchadocinema) December 19, 2019
The only thing I’m going to say about #Cats is that Taylor Swift’s brief part is the best part of the whole movie. She’s British, sassy, slinky and dynamic and her musical number is entertaining. The end. pic.twitter.com/xav62vuSah
— Katie Krause (@Katie_Krause) December 19, 2019
True story: I got home after seeing CATS and couldn’t look my own cat in the face for a good hour or two
— jen yamato (@jenyamato) December 19, 2019
#Cats is like if The Room had been made by competent actors and filmmakers who theoretically know what they're doing, which is to say that it TECHNICALLY resembles a movie, and stars some people you recognize, but its grasp on this plane of reality is tenuous at best. (So, CATS!)
— Laura Prudom (@lauraprudom) December 19, 2019
Cats will be in cinemas in Australia on December 26.
