WHOA. Now that, my friends, is one fucking hell of a headline. Bare with me as we unfurl this ongoing clusterfuck of Bieber-related news which now includes Bette Midler because 2015 is a bewildering, nightmare of a time to be alive.
Ok, first things first, Justin Bieber got papp’d with his dick out by a super sleazy photographer with a huge lens. Speaking of huge things, discussion rages on how well endowed the Canadian pop star actually is. As someone who has dealt with his fair share of peen, I’ll simply answer it for you: above average. (Will not be posting said dick pics here, as it is a fairly gross invasion of privacy, not to be encouraged).
NEXT: Bieber’s dad, Jeremy, has since taken to Twitter, referencing the young man he helped create’s actual, real-life dick, tweeting: “what do you feed that thing? #proud daddy”, as if that’s a totally, normal, cool thing for a human father to say about his child’s genitals.
Normally that alone would be enough for me to call it a day on the ol’ internet and ask that everyone goes to their room to think hard about what they’ve done, but the story gets even better/worse with BETTE MIDLER wading in to call out Jeremy Bieber, and announcing who the real dick in the situation is.
.@justinbieber dad tweeted he's proud of his son's penis size. I think the biggest dick in this situation is the dad who abandoned his son.
— bettemidler (@BetteMidler) October 10, 2015
It’s a well known fact that Jeremy Bieber didn’t have a whole lot of a hand in bringing up Justin, with his mother mainly being a single parent for most of his youth. Thus the Midler slay.
Ok, there you go, that’s the story, Bieber’s privacy was invaded, his Dad’s off his actual rocker and Bette Midler just dropped the mic on the whole thing I am now DONE with it all.
P.S: Bieber’s What Do You Mean is THE song of the year so far, fight me, bye.
Watch: Jusin Bieber – What Do You Mean