Okay, we’re gonna say it: Ed Sheeran has lived out every adult man’s fantasy and whacked Justin Bieber right in his stupid multi-million dollar face. Right in the middle of a golf course.
Yep, he went full Happy Gilmore on his ass.
The gingernut folk-pop lord has unfolded the epic tale of his Bieber beatdown to The Guardian, clarifying that what may on the surface appear to be a ballsy hero-act was really just a drunken fuck-up.
The way Sheeran tells it, he got well munted one night while bro-ing down on the town with a comparatively sober Biebs in Japan, when the pair randomly found themselves on a fairway.
Here’s how it all went down, in the words of the man himself:
“We’d been out to a dive bar. He just drank water and I got hammered. Then we went to a golf course, and he lay on the floor and put a golf ball in his mouth and told me to hit it out of his mouth. I was like, ‘Fuck, I need to aim this properly,’ and I swung. And you know in films when someone gets punched, and you hear that fake sound, like a slap? But in real life when someone gets punched, you hear that dull thud, a bit sickening? I heard a sound like the last one, and saw his security guard looking at me like– [pulls a horrified expression] I’d cracked Justin Bieber right in the cheek with a golf club. That was one of those ‘What the fuck?’ moments.”
It’s a crime against humanity that this sequence of events was not captured on camera. But we’ve gotta give props to The Biebs for both figuratively and literally copping it on the chin.
Guess it wasn’t too late for Ed to say ‘Sorry’.
ICYMI: Justin Bieber is coming to Australia next bloody week to kick off his gargantuan ‘Purpose’ tour, while Ed Sheeran might be moving here permanently — well — if the Australian government gets its way, that is.
