Punjab, India: Government Oppresses Monkeys With Reform School

The Indian government aims to fight a rise in monkey ‘behaviour problems’ with draconian measures, recently announcing the possibility of a Monkey Rehabilitation Centre.

Deforestation is causing the rise in monkey-human contact, according to people the BBC assures us are experts. Due to the loss of the innocent monkey’s ancestral homes, many have begun seeking new habitat in the cities and towns. Unfortunately, officials say that monkey encounters with humans will often result in injury.

“Besides people (humans) landing in hospitals after encounters with monkeys, the animals also often get hurt when house owners try to chase them away or keep them out by using live electric wires and other means,” chief wildlife warden RK Luna told the BBC.

Contact with humans has apparently encouraged behaviour not considered normal by the government’s standards and they have announced a ‘monkey rescue and rehabilitation centre.’ The centre will be built on the site of an old monkey jail, which according to Mekookmookmeek, a Macaque spokesmonkey, smells like the fear and pain of a hundred innocent monkeys. Mekookmookmeek had no specific comment regarding the monkey empire’s response to the centre, saying only “one day there will be a reckoning.”

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