Hot on the heels of this morning’s big revelation that Australia would be competing in the celebrated Eurovision Song Contest for the first time ever, a petition has surfaced online calling for the reformation of a group certain to do some damage on the oddball European stage, masked Melbourne seven-piece TISM.
“With Eurovision 2015, Australia has a chance to show the world that we’ve shed the dropkick larrakin image that’s been perpetuated since Paul Hogan told people he’d be putting another shrimp on the barbie back in 1984,” his petition brief reads.
“We finally have a chance to yell at the world that we demand to be taken at more than face value, a chance to scream that our incredibly vibrant local music scene is more than AC/DC’s testicular imagery, John Farnham’s sixty-seventh final tour, a chance to sincerely apologize for inflicting Nikki Webster upon them at Sydney 2000.
“We have a chance to tell the world that goddammit, This Is Serious Mum.”
This is something we can get behind — at least, more than the petition to get Kylie Minogue into the competition. Nothing against our Kylie, but she’s got a lot of support as it is. If you agree with Wade, and would like to make Eurovision EuroTISM, you can add your John Hancock to the Change.org petition here.
Gallery: This Is What Australia’s Eurovision Entry Could Look Like
Jessica Mauboy - She's already graced the Eurovision stage, performing as a non-contender last year where she brought along all the clichés, including AFL players, shearers and giant koalas. Jessica Mauboy knows exactly what is required to go all the way at the annual kitsch-fest.
Kylie and/or Dannii Minogue - There's already an online petition going around to make Kylie the face of Australia at Eurovision and given her popularity with Euro-pop loving audiences she's a very strong contender. Add in her sister, Dannii and we have the power of numbers on our side.
Samantha Jade - Pop singer Samantha Jade is the current bookies favourite to take Australia to Eurovision in 2015. She's been under some scrutiny recently for voicing a "cheesy" Woolworths ad, which probably only increases her Eurovision chances.
AC/DC - They're on a roll recently with a new album, imminent world tour, a recent Grammys performance and a headlining slot on the Coachella lineup. There's not much left for AC/DC to achieve so why not try their hand at Eurovision?
Darren Hayes - Savage Garden had a pretty decent European fanbase and Hayes is due for a comeback. Plus he has proven he can tackle both the heartfelt ballad and the upbeat pop song.
Courtney Act - Eurovision has always been the at the forefront of gender diversity in the entertainment world and more than a fair few drag queens and transgender performers have delivered show-stopping performances on its stage. Australia's own Courtney Act could inject a nice dose of rock into that mix.
Tina Arena - She's already got a very loyal European fan base - with a French National Order of Merit to boot - and she's bilingual, a tool she can wield in her favour to charm those Eurovision voters.
Air Supply - They've already got the commercial soft rock tunes and most likely have kept the stage outfits. Add some backup dancers and a wind machine and Air Supply are good to go.
Delta Goodrem - If it's bombastic, heartfelt, clichéd pop songs you want, Delta's probably your girl. She's handy on the piano too, a nice talent to put her ahead of the rest of her European competitors.
5 Seconds Of Summer - Sydney pop-punk four-piece 5 Seconds Of Summer probably don't need a leg up in the fan gathering front, having pretty much conquered the US and Australian markets. Europe's a whole other thing though, and who could turn down an audience of 180 million?
Olivia Newton John - She was there in 1974 with Long Live Love for the UK, so it's time Olivia Newton John did it for Australia too. It would be a patriotic comeback performance.
Guy Sebastian - Many countries stage a national television talent show to choose their Eurovision representative and as one of Australia's first, and arguably most internationally successful reality TV exports, Guy Sebastian is definitely in for a shot.
Ricki Lee Coulter - Ricki Lee was also born from the reality TV talent show stage, meaning she knows how to simultaneously work a stage and a camera - crucial skills for a publicly voted television competition.
The Wiggles - OK probably a wildcard entry here, but at least one of The Wiggles has announced their openness to take on the Eurovision stage should an offer come their way. Plus there's precedent in the form of last year's multicoloured tracksuit wearing, poppy Icelandic entrants.
Watch: TISM – Everyone Else Has Had More Sex Than Me
Watch: Eurovision Song Contest 2014: Down Under (Interval Act by Australia: Jessica Mauboy)