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What ‘Amity: The Movie’ Will Look Like, As Told By The Amity Affliction

Written by Mike Hohnen on November 7, 2016

Throughout the release of their current album This Could Be Heartbreak, The Amity Affliction have unveiled a series of inter-connected and goddamn gripping conceptual video clips, culminating in the soul-crushing All Fucked Up. With the epic, the band demonstrated considerable acting chops, and the ability to build a story arch full of tension and suspense.

As they prepare for their performance at the impending Redfest, West Oz’s brand new heavy music event, we thought we’d have a high-stakes movie exec meeting with the band, to give them the chance to pitch to us the inevitable Amity: The Movie.

Who will play which member? Who will be the first to die and, most importantly, who will be making the soundtrack? Well. Let’s see.

Music Feeds: Before we get carried away, let’s lay out the setting. Will Amity: The Movie be a comedy or a tragedy?

The Amity Affliction: I hope it’s neither!

MF: You’ve become one of our nation’s finest musical exports in recent memory. Out of all the countries you’ve travelled and performed in, where would Amity: The Movie be based?

TAA: In Sweden…The Swedish forests’ burning churches.

metal

MF: Who would play each band member? Ryan Gossling for Ahren? Tom Harding for Joel?

TAA: Pretty much nailed it in one! Maybe a young Paul Newman as Joel.

Paul Newman

He brings the weather with those eyes him.

MF: Who would you get to direct? For example, Michael Bay and making everything blow up, M. Night Shyamalan and have it dark and gloomy, David Lynch and make it a total wig out?

TAA: I’d go with Quentin Tarantino just cause Joel could do a great Samuel L Jackson style rant.

Samuel L Jackson

Truth

MF: A good movie needs a complication to get the main characters really working. What would be the main complication for Amity: The Movie? Would it be fact or fiction?

TAA: I reckon it would be me stabbing Joel over a game of NHL (Playstation). Purely fiction.

shatner gaming

The Shat guest role FTW

MF: What rating would you go for? A child-friendly M15+ to get the families along? Or keep in all the nudity and go the full R18+?

TAA: 18+ after that last answer.

MF: Someone’s going to have to die. Don’t worry, they can come back in the sequel, but who would be the first to go? Who would be the one to sacrifice themselves for the group’s safety, and who would be the sole survivor?

TAA: I guess Joel…after I STABBED HIM

Napolea dynamite

Reenactment of above scene, using paid actors.

MF: Now, the aforementioned complication. How will it be resolved? Violence? Or cunning?

TAA: Violent, in the nicest way.

twin peaks

Classic Amity, really.

MF: Who would compose the soundtrack? Amity? Trent Reznor?

TAA: Angus Young

Makes sense if you think about it

MF: A lot hangs on this question…will it be released in 3D?

TAA: 4G

britney confused

IDK, you do the math.

The Amity Affliction will kick off the new year with a performance at Perth’s brand new heavy music festival Redfest, before embarking on a massive run of headlining regional dates across Australia, under the banner of the Death To Misery tour.

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