Sydney foursome Stand Atlantic released their third album, f.e.a.r., on Friday, 6th May, via Hopeless Records. In the band’s own words, f.e.a.r. is an “anti-concept album.”
Lead vocalist Bonnie Fraser tells Music Feeds that f.e.a.r. was a conceived as a “fuck you to the conventional, bullshit Hollywood-style story that musicians tell you fell out their arse.”
This starts off the entire record perfectly. Sets the scene and begins the entire chaos that my head was going through. I created my own personal hell – I would be asleep most of the day, was stuck in the same four walls, seeing barely any natural light. I’d go out in my car at night just for a change of scenery. I’d sit in an old carpark me and my friends used to frequent when we were little, fantasising about how I wish the old times were still with me and that I could go back to those moments. Then I’d go back home and drink wine alone, feeling like I’d just stepped into my father’s footsteps relying on the sauce just to feel something else. I told myself, everyday, I was a barely-sentient piece of trash.
pity party (feat. Royal & the Serpent)
Everyone feels like they’ve got something to say nowadays and the internet makes people think their opinion matters all the time. I am one of the most easy going people I know, even to my own detriment at times, but I cannot stand people who are addicted to being their own damn victim and cause drama because they are bored of themselves. It seems everyday someone is inviting you to their “pity party”, hoping you will enable or put a Band-Aid on them. Sometimes you gotta cut people like this out of your life as they will drag you down and it’s not until you let them go that you realise what kind of hold they may have had on you.
I’m a people pleaser, to everyone else but myself. It gets to a point where I can’t even rely on myself anymore because I take what everyone else wants on board and blindly agree. It contributes to my lack of confidence because it doesn’t feel like I am making the decisions in my own life. I listen so much to what others want that there was a point where I thought that chopping off my ears might be the only way for me to drown out outside opinions. I had to take a moment to realise that my opinions do matter and I need to stop thinking it they don’t.
dumb (feat. Tom the Mail Man)
I overthink a lot. I get inside my own head and I refuse to trust myself. I create cycles in my head, almost like a kind of toxic negative feedback loop, and when I finally break away, I am left with nothing other than feeling that I am a dumb bitch. Writing and listening to this song was a reflection on that and every time I listen back, I remind myself that whilst peoples’ words and opinions hurt, they won’t kill you.
The worst part about people on the internet is that you’re almost force-fed their opinion about you or what you do. Being in the mindset like I was the past two years, these things can eat away at you and it makes you suffer in self turmoil. Couple that with pressures from everyone around you counting on you to do something good, and makes it almost impossible to feel like you can step up and meet the expectations of anyone, let alone yourself. Eventually, I just got absolutely fed up with all of it and it brought me to a table-flip attitude, where I just wanted to make something for myself.
deathwish (feat. Nothing, Nowhere)
Frankly, I died. I was a servant to the opinions of people who didn’t give a fuck about me. My self-worth was so low that I would get high off a glimpse of their approval. I lost myself and I think the old me had a death wish all along. But now I’m back and truly have zero fucks left to give.
When you feel trapped and you want to make people happy, sometimes it can feel like you have no will of your own – like you’re someone’s voodoo doll or something. If someone you know is going through some heavy shit and taking it out on you because you’re the closest person to them, it can be debilitating, especially when you’ve got your own inner turmoil you’re trying to deal with. For me, personally, it felt like I had no space to have my feelings and I didn’t know how to create boundaries. I went to therapy and this song was a direct result of those emotions essentially being vomited out into a song.
nails from the back
I’m a pretty shy person, generally speaking. I don’t have a lot of confidence in myself and I mask that with a “happy go lucky” attitude, which is a complete oxymoron to the voices in my head. I’ve been this way ever since I was little, but I don’t think I have experienced anxiety like I have in the past two years. Socialising can be quite tiring for me and I definitely feel introverted as hell 90% of the time. The thought of coming out of the next two years feeling like I hadn’t grown as a person at all was really scary to me. Biting your nails is a nasty habit, but biting them from the back? Now that’s fucked up.
This song is probably the most personal song on the record. It’s about choosing between the two most important things in my life and knowing whichever one I prioritise, one of them will be damaged to almost-beyond repair. This track is about the guilt that comes with the decisions you make and feeling unworthy of both, but not wanting to let go of either one.
don’t talk (to me)
During the last year, I felt like the world was ending. It felt like the Earth was suicidal and I couldn’t stop it. This song was a kind of nod to feeling helpless and wanting to gain back some control, and not be torn apart by circumstance.
cabin fever (feat. my literal mum)
‘Cabin fever’ is literally about being angry at the music industry and even our label – the funny thing is that they were the ones who wanted this song on the record more than we did. We actually love our label – so un-punk I know – but I was just frustrated at the world around me burning down and the fact everyone was expecting me to create something great when I was struggling to even get through each dumb day.
I went to a Christian school for three years of my life and when a pastor says, “All gays will burn in hell,” during an assembly, you’re gonna remember it, and you’re gonna write a song about it. It baffles me how someone can believe something so negative about someone yet act all nice and loving to your face and pretend to care about you. Fuck that; I hope he hears this.