Steel Panther – Four Finger Vocal Harmonies

First making their mark on L.A’s Sunset Strip back in the 1988, Steel Panther, as their name would suggest, are a cock rock band. Their music, described in the bands press release as a mixture of “seismic guitar riffs, catchy melodies, and catchier afflictions,” is the sort of testosterone fueled fare you’d expect to hear blaring from your older cousin’s lowered Commodore, or soundtracking some scene of rebellion in a teen movie from the 80s.

Claiming to have been ripped off by Poison, lead singer Michael Starr states: “Poison totally ripped me off: I was the first guy to come out with blonde hair and tight pants and the bandannas and they got Vince Neil popping out with the bandannas – you know who we’re talking about,” there is a lineage that doesn’t bare to be questioned. Making their way to Australia for the first time as part of the Soundwave Revolution line-up we caught up with lead guitarist Satchel to discuss… well pussy pretty much, he didn’t really want to talk about much else.

Woah, so it’s morning over there?

Music Feeds: Yeah it’s 10:45.

S: That’s crazy man.

MF: Yeah well we’re on the other side of the planet mate (silence)… Anyway, what have you been up to?

S: Oh, you know me and the guys we’re always rocking, and we do shows a lot. We play in Vegas and we play in Hollywood and we just finished our second record and we’re just trying to get a release date for that from the label so we can get that out before we get over there to Australia, and we can get more pussy than we usually get (laughs).

MF: So is pussy all that drives you to make music then?

S: That’s pretty much the only reason we play music, in fact I think that is the main reason why any guy plays music, in fact why any guys does anything at all. I mean would you even get out bed in the morning if you didn’t think you had a chance of getting pussy. I mean with our band, I don’t care if we get paid or anything like that, I just care that I get laid regularly.

MF: So you’re a man of simple pleasures?

S: When you die I don’t think that you can take your money with you but I think you can die happy knowing you got more pussy than any of the other guys around.

MF: Fair enough. Can you tell me about how you got started playing music then?

S: When I was a kid, back in the 60s, the first time I saw Keith Richards and Mick Jagger I knew you didn’t have to be good looking to be in a band, and the Stones have just always been a big inspiration seeing how ugly they are and how much pussy they get. But I remember that the first time I played in a band there was a woman who actually jumped on stage and had sex with me while I was playing the guitar. It was so distracting but I didn’t even miss a note you know. It was a shock to me you now, because that was the first time I’d ever played on stage, I was 12 years old you know and this girl was like smoking hot and would’ve been around 25 26, and I got to have sex with her to the applause of a packed crowd.

MF: So it was no turning back from there I’d imagine?

S: Yeah, that pretty much sealed the deal.

MF: You mentioned earlier that you were working on the second album. How do you guys approach working in the studio?

S: We won’t go into the studio unless there are at least 8 – 10 strippers and or hookers. We can’t work without girls there you know. A lot of people think that having that presence there is a distraction, but if there are no girls there, there’s no inspiration. So we party a lot in the studio, we drink a lot and do a lot of blow and fuck hookers, so in the end a record can end up costing around four or five hundred thousand dollars, which is pretty much all the hookers and blow you know. I mean we don’t give a crap where we record, and time usually only ends up costing a few hundred bucks.

MF: Does that affect how the music comes out you think?

S: Oh yeah, all the vocal takes that Michael did on this record, while he was in the vocal booth there was a girl sucking on his weenie while he did it (laughs).

MF: I’ve heard that helps with opening up your higher register?

S: Yeah if he’s having some trouble sometimes he’ll just ask the girl to bite down a little.

MF: I was always told the real trick was to get a finger up your bum to hit the proper high notes.

S: There’s actually a note Michael hit on this album that is so high it’s almost inaudible, and I’m pretty sure the girl had her whole fist up his ass when he did it.

MF: Yeah that’s how I heard Robert Plant used to lay down the high harmonies on the later Zeppelin albums.

S: Yeah there would have had to be at least four fingers in there for that stuff.

MF: Oh at least. You mentioned hookers before though, obviously then you guys don’t mind paying for sex?

S: No we don’t mind paying for sex! In fact I’d highly recommend it if you can afford it. It’s totally one of the best ways you can have sex. You can tell them exactly what you want and when you’re done you can send the transvestite home, you don’t have to worry about that.

MF: Yeah I always have that problem with trannies, they like to stick around and get domestic.

S: Oh yeah, they get the toaster out and want to make you eggs, it’s horrible.

Steel Panther are playing as part of this year’s inaugural Soundwave Revolution festival.

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