Here’s Totally Unicorn’s Nine Shittiest Tattoos As Described by Them

Self described “lords of ‘what the fuck’ chaotic metalcore” Sydney’s Totally Unicorn are known for two things. Their brutal and exhilarating music and their brutal and hilarious sense of humour. From naming their recently released Record Store Day 7″ Sometimes I Sit And Drink And Sometimes I Just Drink – of course parodying Courtney Barnett – to their ongoing wine review show Wine About It… With Mike the band are proof positive you can make heavy music and still have a good fucking laugh about it.

“Totes Uni” have had a huge year so far, with their single Customer Service Station premiering on triple j’s Short Fast Loud back in March to great acclaim. So with fans around the country eagerly awaiting new album DREAM LIFE‘s release on Friday July 29th and a huge Australian tour planned in support in September, we thought we should get to know them a little better. We were thinking we’d do an interview, but they had a much better idea.

So, sit back and behold The Totally Unicorn Shit Tattoo Stories, Next Day Regrets and Forgot They Hads Scrapbook…


Darren The Moon Dolphin

I think this is my favourite tattoo I have. As you will see in the other pictures Mike acquired a tattoo gun from God knows where and we thought let’s just save the money and do ’em ourselves! This is Darren, he is a smoking dolphin and is jumping over the moon. If you couldn’t tell by looking at it we have labeled it for you.


Tribal Tattoo

This is a tribal tattoo


Magical Animal Hardcore

This is the first tattoo we tried. Came out pretty good I reckon. Mike gave it to me in honour of the first unicorn release. I think he had to go over it about 7 times though as the black wasn’t sticking….. We then figured out he was using grey.


Flying Croco-Turtle

5 or 6 years ago a good friend of mine loaned me his tattoo gun and inks and all the gear you need to do all that sort of stuff “safely”. I didn’t have any pig skin but I did have loads of my own skin so was happy to offer that up to anybody with a good enough idea to drill me. This artwork – and it is an artwork – was done by a good friend of mine, Ben Tillman, on one of our drunken nights when I lived in Wollongong.

It’s my Flying Crocoturtle: A mystical beast. With pink wings. And a turtle shell. The funny thing about this tattoo was that I actually passed out while drinking whiskey straight from the bottle about 3 or 4 in the morning, then a couple of days later I was at work and I felt something weird and itchy at the back of my right arm.

I quickly went to the bathroom to see what it was in the mirror. When I looked, I saw that when I’d passed out Ben had given my flying crocoturtle a massive tail that went almost the entire way around my arm, and shooting out of it’s tail were lightning bolts! I couldn’t fit it all in the photo unfortunately so you’ll have to try and catch a look next time you see me at a show. Hahaha.


Tattoo Sleeve

A lot of people these days have sleeves and neck tattoos and all sorts of cool stuff. I’ve never had enough money, patience, or good ideas for the real thing so this is my attempt at one. Actually it’s my wife’s attempt at a sleeve. This was her first (and only) tattoo she has done on me.


Trouser / Short

Those closest to me know I refer to any sort of bottom-half clothing item as ‘trousers’. This little tattoo just below the belt line on top of my right leg is a tribute to that but there is only one so it’s ‘TROUSER’ rather than plural. In the same position on my left leg I have a somewhat identical tattoo but this is a pair of shorts or ‘SHORT’ for consistency.

PicMonkey Collage

Butt Tattoos

A friend of mine who will remain nameless (but is now tattooing professionally) tattooed ‘DAD’ on my right butt cheek when he was still practicing. I showed my parents a few years back but I hadn’t gotten ‘MUM’ on there at that stage – out of respect for her. But once I showed my parents, Mum was offended that she didn’t have any space dedicated to her so I asked my mate Luke Debono to tattoo ‘MUM’ on my left cheek.

Weirdly, he started super close to the crack and we almost had to call it a day at ‘MU’. After managing to squeeze the second ‘M’ in there though, he figured he was getting the hang of it so tattooed a penny-farthing there as a tribute for my love of riding bikes.


Such is Life

I didn’t really know my grandfathers all that well, but one of them was into bush rangers and he used to read me stories about them. I got it because it was one of the few things I knew about my family history. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.



I had a big breakup when I was in my early twenties. I spent quite a few weeks in my room being a depressed bastard and watching Pink Floyd ‘s The Wall on DVD. It resonated a lot at the time. Whenever on tour the guys always ask if they can tag my wall…..


Totally Unicorn’s debut album ‘DREAM LIFE’ is out on Friday 29th July (pre-order it here) with their tour kicking off in early September.

Totally Unicorn Dream Life Tour

with special guests Pagan

Sunday 11th September

Weekender Fest’ – Reverence Hotel, Melbourne

Tickets: (SOLD OUT!)

Thursday 15th September

Crown & Anchor, Adelaide

Tickets: Moshtix

Friday 16th September

Babushka, Perth

Tickets: OzTix

Saturday 17th September

Prince of Wales, Bunbury

Tickets: Venue

Friday 23rd September

Northcote Social Club, Melbourne

Tickets: TicketScout

Saturday 24th September

The Brisbane Hotel, Hobart

Tickets: Moshtix

Thursday 29th September

Newtown Social Club, Sydney

Tickets: TicketScout

Sunday 2nd October

Yours & Owls Festival , Wollongong

Tickets: Moshtix

Friday 7th October

Foundry, Brisbane

Tickets: OzTix

Saturday 8th October

The Northern, Byron Bay

Tickets: Venue

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