Written by Music Feeds on August 9, 2013
We’ve all been there – that gig you’ve been looking forward to for months is inexplicably cancelled two days before the event. Worse still, you rock up to the venue in your favourite T-shirt/sneaker combo, ready to get sweaty, only to see that dreaded sheet of A4 – usually containing the words “unforeseen circumstances” – plastered on a locked front door.
Sometimes it’s excusable, even though it hurts – like that time Dolores from The Cranberries had gastro, or when Mr Frank Ocean ripped up his vocal cords good and proper recently. Other times, though, we’re delivered truly terrible excuses as to why we’re left holding a furiously crumpled piece of yellow cardboard instead of a night’s worth of treasured memories – one such occasion ocurred just this week, in fact.
We’ve compiled 10 of the weakest reasons given by musicians as to why you’re not getting what you paid for, as well as one Good Guy Gigger who knows how to cancel last-minute with style.
10 Weakest Excuses For Last-Minute Gig Cancellations (And 1 Way To Do It Right)
THE NO SHOW WAS THE SHOW: Death Grips' Lollapalooza 2013 after party was set to go off, but the band simply never showed up. Fans were expecting the band at any moment but when venue staff broke the bad news shit got cray, an onstage drumkit was destroyed as the band's album played and an odd suicide note was projected on stage. The band now claim the lack of a performance WAS the performance. Weak.
HURT FEELINGS: In 1997, Celine Dion cancelled a gig in Nova Scotia because local media kept taking the piss out of her. "When an artist comes to a place to entertain, the artist hopes people are happy," husband/manager Rene Angelil said, "I couldn't understand that negative reaction."
SLEPT IN: After putting up some serious money to book Flo Rida in 2011, you can understand Fat As Butter's frustration when their headlining act told them moments before he was meant to take the stage that he slept in and would be unable to perform.
BEARDY FITNESS: In 1982, Joe Strummer did a runner after the Clash's 'Combat Rock' was released, either as a publicity stunt or a power play. The band's UK tour was cancelled, and Strummer was later discovered in France, having grown a beard and run the Paris Marathon.
TOO DAMN SEXY: Earlier this year, our good mate Justin Bieber cancelled a gig in Oman after Muslim leaders in the Islamic country deemed him "too sexy", being labelled a "reprobate" in the process.
AVIAN COPROPHAGIA: During a gig in St Louis in 2010, Kings Of Leon were bombarded with poo after disturbing birds in the rafters. Three songs in, the band quit, with Nathan Followill tweeting that "a bird shat in Jared's mouth".
DIVA PARANOIA: Whether it's because The Stone Roses sound guy messed up her set at Future Music Festival 2013 or "technical issues" at Splendour In The Grass 2013, it doesn't take much for Azealia Banks to drop a performance, and blame those around her for it.
SENSITIVE NOSE: Morrissey fans almost deem it a right of passage to have the man cancel their gig. "I can smell burning flesh ... and I hope to God it's human," said Moz during his Coachella set in 2009. Halfway through 'Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others', Morrissey decided he'd had enough and walked off stage.
BROTHER'S TIFF: In 2009, Oasis cancelled their Rock en Seine festival gig just one minute before going on stage - yet another spat between brothers Liam and Noel Gallagher was the final straw, Noel quitting the band effective immediately.
NO EXCUSE AT ALL: Lack of an excuse is far weaker than any weak excuse. With Supafest artists in previous years not performing, claiming they never confirmed and/or hiding in bathrooms to avoid performances, it was clear organisers had some explaining to do. This year, the entire festival was cancelled just a week out from launch day, and organisers are yet to give any solid reason as to why it all fell apart.
THE GOOD GUYS: Motley Crue cancelled a show in New York earlier this year due to dangerous weather conditions. Fair enough. But when the band learned that a fan had flown all the way from Japan to see the gig, Nikki Sixx flew the dude to Atlantic City for their next show, putting him up in a hotel as well. Class.