It’s a brisk night in Melbourne. A visceral shock after a year in Sydney. But tonight, tonight I am home for a brief sojourn and wearing a scarf for the first time since 2007.
Jake Stone cleanses, tones and moisturises twice a day because he fears getting old. He told me this a couple of nights ago on the roof of the Abercrombie while we watched Philadelphia Grand Jury (who he says will be touring with his band soon). I kind of doubt he managed to fit that routine in on the Bacardi Express where this interview took place, due to the fact that he spent most of his time running around like a madman playing shows and doing vox pops. And drinking.
He is also pretty knowledgeable about the George Foreman grill, which is unsurprising I guess considering his facial routine. Jake Stone, regular housewife: “George Foreman set up this thing whereby an older man who did some other job before can sell a grill, so – ” he begins to explain, before Stav interrupts. “It’s like a microwave oven,” he says, before Jake responds with “No no! It’s like Back to the Future, like frozen foods are completely cooked within minutes! But the guy’s also sold Snickers. He’s older and he’s not working in his traditional form, which is basically acting and beating people up. So brother got to get paiiid, so Snickers and microwaves and whatever else…”
Now, fair enough, this has all come up because we’re discussing Mr T’s new ad campaign. Jake says, “It is inappropriate the way he talks to people. Mr T’s manner could use some work. He’s always talking down to everyone, pitying the fools. He has to talk to people on their level.”
When he’s not cleansing, toning, moisturising, grilling or considering manners, Jake manages to fit in heaps of work, too. When asked how many different hats he’s wearing just on the Bacardi Express tour, Jake says “I feel like I’m wearing a lot of different hats all at once.” And how many pairs of underpants? “I’ve had four pairs of underpants that I’ve taken on and off based on sweat,” he explains. And sweaty underpants they must be, considering all the running around he’s been doing as both a performer and Channel V correspondent.
“It’s been fine doing the Vox Pops,” he says, despite the chafing. “It’s been a lot of work and sometimes I hate it but that’s what you get with a job. But you know, you just get out there and fake your way right through it. It was a joy this morning because I got to kick in the doors of people’s cabins and stick a mic in their face while they were really hungover and totally ambush them Ray Martin style and that was awesome. Vox pop rape.”
Stav takes this opportunity to interject with “Smashing in to your bedroom and sticking a phallic object right in to your face!”
“And that’s what I live for!” Jake continues. “I got to do it to our manager, do you know how satisfying that is? To see him freaking out in his underpants at about seven in the morning? It was horrifying for both him and me. And that’s when shit gets REAL people! Other than that some of the pre-prepared stuff is hard because I’m not that good just off a script. So it was a bit punishing yesterday because they were like, ‘Now you’ve done a show, come outside and do these vox pops with chicks who are just really drunk and out of their minds and can’t really talk!’ And I’d be like, ‘Hey baby, how are you, how’s everything?’ and they’d be all ‘AAUUGHHIOOUUCHHGHHUOOAHHHAUGHGHGHGH – (unintelligible sounds) – ILOVEYOURARAGHVANSHEEE’ and I’m like ‘I’m not even in that band.’”
As for Bluejuice, they’ve got themselves signed and are working on a new album, which is a great chance for them to really develop as a band. “We just got a record deal motherfuckers!” says Jake. “We just got a deal with Dew Process so suck on that. Things are gonna change!”
“They are!” agrees Stav. “And who would have thought Jake’s ego could have got bigger?”
“But it can!” Jake laughs. “It’s huger than ever! Get out of my way! You can’t sit down at this table! This table is for one even though it’s a table for seven!”
“We’re recording as of Wednesday next week,” Stav explains, somewhat more calmly, “So it’ll be about a month of recording and a month of mixing and mastering so straight after that one song we’ll get on an obscure community radio station and then we’ll be done!”
As to what’s going to be on this new album, Jake says there probably won’t be a Sequel to ‘Midnight at Band Camp’ on it. “Haha, adult contemporary. No, but there are a couple of songs which are at the same tempo. So yeah, there’s some funny stuff but we’re trying not to be a band full of clowns for the rest of our lives.”
I agree that’s a good plan. I think someone’s already doing the band of clowns thing anyway. (link: http://www.insaneclownposse.com/) And should Jake find some time to do some shows in between toning and moisturising, Vox-Pop-raping and grilling frozen foods in minutes flat he should be appearing on stage for their May/June Australia tour.
