Accessory of the week:
Swimming accessories for dry land
In a tough situation? Why not appear to have the ability to swim away from trouble? Not only will the radness be resinating from your lovely face, but everyone will be lead to believe you have a ‘swimmer’s body’ underneath your trendy apparel (you could even be considered a well-accessorised Michael Phelps).
Not only will wearing swimming goggles and snorkel be beneficial to your image but it is also practical – it is useful when locating the vegetables in your soup, as well as when closely inspecting the fish tank for mould or parasites. Wearing flippers may give you a new gawky walk, but if you find yourself being confronted by gang of ducks, you can demonstrate who’s boss by showcasing your well-endowed webbed feet – they’ll soon be driving around in red convertibles and banging younger ladies on the other side of the pond.
It would also be advantageous for you if you incorporated some ‘swimming movements’ into your strut. Pay close attention to your arms and hands, do the freestyle while running, women should grab man’s attention by demonstrating breast stroke on the sidewalk and do the back stroke when you’re getting mugged (it will freak out your attacker aROOFEnd cause him to give you back your phone and wallet).
Until next time…