DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD!
Yes, after five long years, Sydney’s dreaded lockout laws have finally gone the same way as the dozens of live music venues that were massacred during their prolonged and bloodthirsty reign of terror.
Well, in the CBD at least.
Premier Gladys Berejiklian has today announced that — following an inquiry that demonstrated the laws had not only been completely ineffective at curbing violence, but had also completely f*cked the city’s nightlife, leading to the number of under-35s visiting Sydney to drop by a whopping half a million annually and the number of live music venues across the city to be slashed by an insane 50% — the 1:30am lockout would finally be given the boot in the CBD precinct.
“It’s time to enhance Sydney’s night-life,” Gladys said. “Sydney is Australia’s only global city and we need our night-life to reflect that.”
However, property developers can breathe a sigh of relief, with Gladys vowing to uphold the laws in the once thriving cultural epicentre-turned-upmarket retirement village of Kings Cross for the foreseeable future.
Whether or not the lockout liberation will extend to Oxford Street currently remains unclear, and as for when the laws will be lifted, it’s understood that official legislation will be introduced later this year.
Let’s hope it happens before any more international celebs like Madonna or Justin Bieber get blocked from attending their own after-parties (yes that actually happened).
For now though, let’s just chalk this one up in the rare win column for Sydney.
Yep. We’ll take it.