Whereas I can’t even remember a time before Justin Bieber’s dick was simply just one of those things you can look at on the internet, but I suppose there must have been a time PBD (pre-Bieber-dick), when all we had was extensive, detailed erotic fan fiction to go off. (Just me maybe?)
For the first time since the Canadian pop brat’s piece was captured by a dodgy AF papparazi, Bieber has spoken about the incident to Access Hollywood, in which he calls the invasion of his naked privacy on a hotel balcony as a violation:
“My first thing was like … how can they do this? Like I feel super violated. Like, I feel like I can’t step outside and feel like I can go outside naked. Like you should feel comfortable in your own space … especially that far away.”
Whilst Biebs does the speak the truth, taking pictures of someone without their permission, especially when they’re in the nuddy, is a particularly odious brand of fucked up-ness, JB followed up on this respectable statement by falling back into regular egotistical fashion, claiming that the frankly impressive slice of Bieber beef seen in the photos isn’t a proper representation.
“That was shrinkage for me.”
Oooookkkkkaaaay Biebs let’s cut the crap alright? As a peen connoisseur for some time now, I have pored over said pictures of the dick in question and if that thing isn’t at least half-mast then you can take away my Dick Fan card immediately. Shrinkage? SHRINKAGE? Bieber, please, that’s a chub if I’ve ever seen one.
Ok, enough talking about dick, and back to your Sunday night activities, however peen-less and dull they may be.
Watch: Justin Bieber – What Do You Mean