Westboro Baptist Church To Picket “Crotch-Grabbing Perverts” One Direction

Yes, we should be ignoring them, but damn it if they don’t make us laugh – the Westboro Baptist Church have levelled their presumably crucifix-shaped crosshairs on those tight-collared bastions of debauchery One Direction, labelling them “crotch-grabbing little perverts” and vowing to picket an upcoming concert in the US.

In a difficult-to-decipher multi-font press release that would have Linda Blair blushing, the WBC spew their usual fire-and-brimstone diatribe about “taking a stand on the fag question”, and make it clear that the “one direction is hell for you if you continue your present course” – all this despite Harry Styles having TWO crucifix tattoos on his left pec. What does it TAKE?!

One Direction are set to perform at Kansas’ Sprint Centre on Friday, 19th July and the ‘Boro have assured us that they’ll be there, placards in hand and impressionable offspring in tow, to warn this doomed world that “God hates fag enablers” – that would be you, pre-teen Kansas 1D fans.

As per the norm, these sound-minded, rational individuals have also taken it upon themselves to twist the sinful strains of their target’s “caterwaulings” into something more befitting their own message, turning 1D’s One Thing (ostensibly a song about a teenage romance fantasy) into the infinitely more wholesome though slightly less than catchy Obeying Is That One Thing (definitely a song about God ending the human race).

They could probably do with some help from ‘Weird’ Al in that department, though he was most likely relegated to the “fag” camp after declaring his veganism in 1992. Shame.

Just recently, the Fred Phelps-led sect led a campaign against universal sweetheart Taylor Swift, marking her the “whorish face of doomed America” – we don’t know what that makes Nicki Minaj but you can bet the WBC are gonna pull out all stops once they figure out she’s an actual human being, not a cartoon character.

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