The AFL could be getting more balls than it bargained for in 2016, if a group of Steel Panther fans has anything to do with it.
They’ve kicked off a petition to get everyone’s favourite venereal disease-dodging spandex wearers to perform at next year’s Grand Final, claiming they’re exactly the type of act needed to – uh – blow audiences away.
“The last 15 years has been plagued by Top 40 artists who know nothing about our beloved sport,” the change.org petition declares. “Every year the media always complains about Grand Final Performances. That they are never up to the standard of a real Grand Final performance. No matter what the AFL does the Superbowl will do it tenfold.
“It is about time that we get a band that can deliver a Superbowl-like performance without the crazy price tag and theatrics.”
And with an arsenal of hits such as Gloryhole, Gold-Digging Whore and of course the feelgood classic Gangbang At The Old Folks Home, Steel Panther’s hypothetical performance at the family-friendly event would no doubt be a bit of a shocker IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
Personally, we don’t reckon the AFL commission will go for it, unless perhaps the glam-rockin’ foursome agree to tweak some of their lyrics to make them a bit more, shall we say, sports-propriate? 17 Goals In A Row, It Won’t Kick Itself, Weenie Ref and Asian Cale Hooker are some examples that we thought of just now.
The petition masterminds have also offered some of their own ideas about how the band could “deliver a family friendly show without vulgar lyrics they are most known for”, linking to footage of one of their shows at a recent LA Kiss football game.
Oddly, the petition is only looking for 100 signatures, so we’re not sure if it’ll have the force required to make this happen, especially considering this year’s much girthier campaign to get the AFL to book homegrown acts, which basically fell on deaf ears.
But who are we to shit on your dreams. If you’d like to see Steel Panther school the AFL pre-game crowd on how to play the game just like Tiger Woods, you can sign the petition here.
Watch: Steel Panther Perform During LA Kiss Game