Attn Metalheads: Tourettes Legend Michele Madden’s Boobs Are Out To Kill Her & She Needs Your Help

Aussie metal icon Michele Madden’s boobs have gone rogue and she needs your help to stop them.

The powerhouse performer is tough. You need to be to spend the better part of your life slaying stages across some of the biggest music festivals on earth (which she did as frontwoman of noughties heavy metal act Tourettes). Since then, she’s been involved in a number of other local heavy projects including Saint Cecilia, Los Hombres Del Diablo, The Heshers and Meldrum, as well as being a notorious MC at Sydney rock n’ roll dive bar, Frankie’s Pizza By The Slice.

But it’s been a minute since we’ve heard from Madden, and that’s because she’s been battling silently through a major health scare related to her beloved bazongas. Once considered her closest allies, Madden’s boobs have pulled off a betrayal of Shakespearean proportions, spawning a cluster of cysts that are now “growing, multiplying and wreaking havoc”.

“My rack has revolted, gone rogue and is out for some Beatrix Kiddo style vengeance for all the times I strapped them down on tour beneath three sports bras and a handful of shirts so I could get on stage and do what I did,” Michele explains.

“The official terminology- ‘aggressive complex cystic masses’. While on the waiting list, I’ve gone up at least four cup sizes, and not in the fun way. I’ve now got the equivalent of two marble and gravel-filled holiday turkeys strapped to my chest.”

She continues: “My spine is deteriorating as a result of the rapidly growing weight on my chest, with a growing list of complications that include compressed discs, thoracic strain that’s led to tendon tears, osteoarthritis in the vertebrae, and more.

“Between the debilitating pain on all fronts, as a result it’s meant I’ve been more bedbound than upright in the last year.”

And after being royally screwed over by the public health system, the only way for the metal queen to get the urgent surgery she now needs is to go into the private sector which, of course, ain’t cheap.

“I will be out of pocket around thirty thousand after the private surgery costs, hospital stay, theatre fees, rehabilitation post-surgery and the follow-ups,” Madden explains.

And so, she’s started reaching out to her beloved metalheads for help via a Go Fund Me campaign, and the community has responded by rallying HARD.

At the time of writing, Madden has raised almost $20K of her $31K funding target, thanks to support from her mates in King Parrot, Pod People, the gang at Frankie’s and, of course, the Aussie metal massive at large.

“Beloved dirtbags, I’ve gotta cast the net far and wide to make this a reality and get my life back,” Madden says.

“…Every dollar counts, no matter how small. If you can’t give, share far and wide- that helps just as much too. You’ll have this beaten but not broken Amazon’s gratitude, praise and love, and be a part of literally saving my life.”

So if you want to lend a hand to help save one of Australia’s fiercest metal heroines from her toxic titties, you can dig deep & donate to her Go Fund Me right here.

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