Lorde Wants To Turn Westboro Baptist Church Picket Into Same-Sex Love-In

New Zealand teen songstress Lorde has really hit the big time, today achieving the kind of notoriety normally saved for Foo Fighters or Lady Gaga. Her current US tour is going to be picketed by the hatemongers at the Westboro Baptist Church, but the Kiwi pop sensation isn’t having a bar of it.

The fringe group, who like to engage in such wholesome behaviour as picketing the funerals of US soldiers and school shooting victims, will be protesting outside Lorde’s Kansas City concert on 21st March. What the 17-year-old has done to earn the ire of the group isn’t exactly clear, with Westboro releasing the following statement:

“This young lady, hailing from New Zealand and carrying an idolatrous attraction for worthless human “royalty,” has been done a grievous disservice by the adults in her life. They have failed to train her in the nurture and admonition of the LORD, and she therefore spends her time, energy and talent serving herself and teaching other young people how to be indolent rebels.”

Lorde, real name Ella Yelich-O’Connor, earlier responded to the church’s statement of intent via Twitter. “Hahaha omg just found out westboro baptist church are going to picket my show in kansas city,” read the now-deleted tweets, going on to suggest fans should wear rainbow clothing to the show. “Everyone try to kiss church members who are same sex as you they will so love it christmas comin early in Kansas City.”

Of course, WBC always have to have the last word. They took to Vine (WBC have a VINE?!) to further their cause to become the world’s most insane-sounding hate group, questioning how “rainbows and sexual harrassment” will change God’s mind. Wash yourself in the rivers of madness below.

No WBC campaign against a musician would be complete without a teeth-grittingly terrible cover version, and the Phelps clan have posted their own version of Lorde’s breakthrough hit Royals, turning the smash dismissal of pop culture into a warning of hellfire and brimstone. With lyrics like “‘Cause every song sings bare teeth ragin; sinning in the bedroom bloodless coffin trashin your creator”, you can’t help but admire the determination. You can read the full lyrics below.

We’re coming to the end of all the flesh

We warned with pickets signs and songs and the movies

Shouldn’t be proud you made this mess

You hear the trumpets sound, you’ll feel God’s envy

‘Cause every song sings bare teeth ragin; sinning in the bedroom

bloodless coffin trashin your creator

You don’t care

You’re really badasses in your dreams

But in reality Christ will pay back, coming in the clouds

He’ll set his thrown and mockers will be screechin’ ‘It ain’t fair’

We’ll be caught up with him in the air

We’ll ever be royals, sanctified by his blood

[Indecipherable… something about “ascension,” we think]

We crave a different kind of love

He has made us rulers

Sanctified to his sea

And joyful we’ll rule with our King eternally

As red as blood, as black as coal

Dissolving peace you’ll starve for wheat and for barley

Everyone who reads it knows what the pale horse is

You’re gonna soon be sorry


He’s greater than you ever dreamed

He’s gonna make you mighty scream

Crispy ’cause you didn’t care,

We’ll be caught up with him in the air.”

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